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England Vs Germany On Twitter

(twitter account)

* See mighty England greet the German squad. See mighty England shit themselves.

* If you look closely, you can see pee leaking out of the England players whenever a German approaches

* I can’t come up with anything funnier than those two goals by Germany

* Classic English hymn being sung to ref: YOU’RE GOING HOME IN THE BACK OF AN AMBULANCE

* Is James Milner working for the Germans?

* James Milner: cooler, three veeks.

* Here comes Emile Heskey, because apparently England are not losing badly enough

* There. England flags being ripped down from Brighton to Carlisle. Thank buggery for that.

* We are free. And now we’ll get some proper fucking football matches. Selah.

(several hours later)

* …where am football game? Hu-mans told Rooney there was football game. Rooney missed football game? Rooney am confused.

Published in brainjuice


  1. padraig


    Hope you’ll accept the deeply insincere sympathies of an American of Irish descent.

    I actually did feel a twinge of sympathy for the Brits after that bungled goal call. But it went away. Already a good bit on that at

    I do offer the friendly suggestion that your defenders use their concrete boots for training only, and leave them off in match play.

  2. Seán


    As an Irishman of Irish descent “Ha ha”. Bless you Mister Ellis, your twitter posts are the only thing I enjoy about the World Cup.

  3. I still don’t actually know who this Rooney person(?) is, but I’m glad he’s involved. He inspires such humorous comments from Warren.

    These tweets really are some of the best game commentary I’ve heard/read, in any sport.

  4. Owen


    If you were of Irish descent you’d have noted England were playing and not Britain, some of us ‘Brits’ weren’t at all disappointed with that game ;) Another four years of suicidal optimism to follow no doubt. Heh.

  5. padraig


    True Owen, I forgot for a moment that “English” people are those who live in England, while “Brits” are the English plus all the neighbors that the English have pissed off for the longest time.

  6. Chris Moon

    Chris Moon

    Somewhere, in a universe far away, Warren Ellis’ footie commentaries are published, with art by Templesmith…>:-)

  7. Mark


    Legal considerations aside, can we have regular The World According to Rooney installments, please? Brill.

  8. NullApostle


    Rooney is the English Beavis – he will never score.

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