Just When You Thought Nature Had Run Out Of Ways To Fuck With You: The Supersonic Tsunami

June 25th, 2010 | researchmaterial

“…BP drill site is directly over a massive underground reservoir of methane that could result in a huge explosion that would create “a supersonic tsunami” that “would literally sweep away everything from Miami to the panhandle in a matter of minutes. Loss of human life would be virtually instantaneous and measured in the millions.”".

No, these people are serious:

If the huge methane bubble breaches the seabed, it will erupt with an explosive fury similar to that experienced during the eruption of Mt. Saint Helens in the Pacific Northwest. A gas gusher will surge upwards through miles of ancient sedimentary rock—layer after layer—past the oil reservoir. It will explode upwards propelled by 50 tons psi, burst through the cracks and fissures of the compromised sea floor, and rupture miles of ocean bottom with one titanic explosion.

The burgeoning methane gas cloud will surface, killing everything it touches, and set off a supersonic tsunami with the wave traveling somewhere between 400 to 600 miles per hour.

(EDIT: always remember, this is posted under “research material,” not “independently fact-checked news.” I write fiction, after all.)


41 Responses to “Just When You Thought Nature Had Run Out Of Ways To Fuck With You: The Supersonic Tsunami”

  1. Well that’s just… That’s just super.

  2. oh my god pants

  3. We’ll be alright, won’t we? We can just send Bruce Willis in a giant, phallic earth-ship to blow something up and save us, right?

  4. “set off a supersonic tsunami with the wave traveling somewhere between 400 to 600 miles per hour.”

    That’s not physically possible; the water would vaporize.

    And the original article came from Helium, a self-publishing site, from an author who doesn’t provide his geophysics credentials (if any). He is a member of the right-wing “Vigilant Patroits” Ning site, though.

    http://vigilant-patriots.ning.com/profile/TerrenceAym

  5. …with the smoke & dust clearing to reveal the ghastly visage of Cthulu, one assumes. Because why the fuck not, at this point.

  6. Guess we’ll need two MOABs then … (http://bit.ly/aGPQ6d)

  7. Silly me..I thought I followed you to laugh.

  8. wait until Spring Break and hand me a hammer and chisel

  9. Somebody get Roland Emmerich on the phone!

  10. this is actually a horrible conflation of an article that has nothing to do with the BP spill and the current ongoing disaster. Basically a game of ‘let’s report needlessly terrifying ‘what if’ scenarios and watch the internet piss itself.’

  11. When I read that the platform explosion was due to methane deposits shooting up the pipes, I knew that wasn’t a good sign. Methane is a really powerful greenhouse gas, and as we’ve seen methane hydrates have made capping the leak even more dfficult. Bad news for sure, and it makes further drilling a really, really bad idea.

    But this explosive toxic methane tsunami scenario sounds like SyFy Channel stuff. Yeah, I could be wrong. But if you drill down in those articles you find cranks.

  12. It’s not just Super. It’s BP Super.

    Makes you wonder how that would be twisted by the tropical storm system moving into the gulf.

    That just fucking lovely.

  13. *that’s

    Oops.

  14. Guess where I live…

  15. shat out my entire skeleton

  16. The after effect of the Supersonic Tsunami would be the rise of the Amphibian Sharks (with legs, fast ones).

  17. [...] RT @warrenellis: Just When You Thought Nature Had Run Out Of Ways To Fuck With You: Supersonic Tsunamis: http://www.warrenellis.com/?p=9925 [...]

  18. Oh boy. Fml.

  19. Well great, me wife wanted us to move to be close to her family and now she’s fucked us all.

    I never should have left Seattle!

  20. Look on the bright side – the US average IQ would rocket

  21. That article talks about “…everything from Miami to the panhandle…” except Miami’s on the opposite coast, near the southernmost tip of Florida.

    Clearly the author’s not at all sure about where the spill is.

  22. I’m glad I came to this post after the EDIT addition and the other comments. Hell, the Comet Kahoutek was supposed to take us out back in the 1970s.

  23. Bugger. I should have wikipediaed for the citation first. Also it’s Kohoutek.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comet_Kohoutek

  24. And here I thought the gulf coast was just waiting to be destroyed in a Firecane, a massive hurricane saturated with chemically dispersed oil that ignites from lightning and turns into a giant, swirling, maelstrom of flaming death.

  25. Bullshit or not, I’d love to see the Roland Emmerich movie.

    Also, if this happened for real, it would be interesting to see how Fox News manages to blame it all on Al Gore.

  26. [...] Just When You Thought Nature Had Run Out Of Ways To Fuck With You: The Supersonic Tsunami [...]

  27. Is it wrong that whenever I hear Supersonic Tsunami or Toxic Whales I think, “That would be a fucking awesome name for a band”?

  28. just saw this,
    http://www.letmewatchthis.com/watch-214043-Deep-Core

    Deep Core

    Deep Core: Technicians on an oil rig monitor a high-tech attempt to reach the world’s largest oil reserve; an eighty billion barrel reservoir one hundred miles beneath the Mid-Oceanic Ridge. Something goes terribly wrong and the resulting explosion unleashes a tsunami that slams into the tropical island of Kontiki destroying it completely

    now i don’t know about you but this seems familiar.

    i can just see the poor journalist. having been up all night with nothing for the (insert news media here) desperately hunting for a story. and suddenly off to his/her right, the syfy tchanL is showing a new film.

  29. yay, another post-apocalyptic scenario for The End Of The World. Or at least the first world anyway. Let the post-apocalyptic comic writing begin!

  30. OK, as it turns out, this might might exactly be so frikkin far-fetched. A lake in Africa exploded from suppressed CO2 and killed 1700 people up to sixteen miles away! See the Discovery Channel clip:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=25BE42PzZZc

    Man, this planet is getting weird.

  31. The headline would be amazing though.

    Eastern United States Wiped Out By Cataclysmic Sea Fart

  32. Our only hope then would be to set off another supersonic tsunami at the opposite side of the world at exactly the same time as whenever this first one would occur, so the waves would cancel each other out…

  33. well isn’t that ducky…..

  34. Well, this would definitely stop the oil leaking.

  35. Does Kevin Costner have a tsunami blockin’ machine?

  36. [...] seed: Warren Ellis >> Just When You Thought Nature Had Run Out Of Ways To Fuck With You: The Superso… “…BP drill site is directly over a massive underground reservoir of methane that could result [...]

  37. [...] dear. @warrenellis has some Rather Distressing News. http://www.warrenellis.com/?p=9925 [...]

  38. “supersonic tsunami with the wave traveling somewhere between 400 to 600 miles per hour.”

    Fail.

  39. Apparently this entered my subconscious, and I dreamt last night that I had quit my job and flown to Florida to provide medical aid for victims of the super tsunami.

  40. Well fuck me with Ferrari a call it romantic, that is possibly the most awesome scientific doomsday threat I have heard. Supersonic Tsunami. Ya know, I might not mind dying from that. I mean I’d obviously prefer to survive the catastrophe and spend my remaining days on the streets repeating the phrase “You don’t know what I’ve seen, man” until I eventually keel over due to starvation, but yeah, it would be a pretty sweet way to go.

  41. it was nice knowing you!