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England vs Algeria on Twitter

* Ooh, is there a football match on? Lovely.

* And there’s the England team, looking like a gaggle of confused hair models.

* The Algerian team appear to be conscious, and therefore not the England team’s preferred opponents.

* Dear Mr Heskey, please have a blind man and their guide dog show you where the fucking goal is

* Algerians look like they’re having fun. English look like they’d rather drink a pint of sick than stay on the pitch.

* get up you nonce he only stood on your head

* Rooney appears mostly interested in passing the ball to the invisible ghosts of things he has eaten.

* "Ghost Deer and Ghost Cat play footyball with Rooney in Rooney’s head now. Ug."

* Yes, John Terry, no-one will notice if you just lay on an opposition player and try to fuck them

* Wild, hilarious fuck-ups by England team. Awesome, hilarious fouls by Algerian team. Comedy cavalcade. No actual football.

* pretty sure the soundtrack for the end of the world will be played on those bloody vulva horn things

* England team now being wheeled back to their care home. Heskey being taken straight to glue factory.

* And Fabio Capello being forced to consider the fact that perhaps he has lived too long. To the sound of vulva horns.

Published in brainjuice


  1. Rebel Asian

    Rebel Asian

    What’s wrong with England??? Could the Images of Wayne Rooney living in a trailer in that Nike commerical actually be prophetic?

  2. The world lost a great football commentator when you decided become a writer, Mr. Ellis.

  3. Anonymous


    I’m reposting these on my Facebook, this is priceless.

  4. Filipe Freitas

    Filipe Freitas

    I hope you’re not getting too much grief from the brazilians on twitter. I know you already have a pretty bad impression from my country, but there’s a reason for that. You know how England used to send all the screw-ups to Australia? We kind of send ours to the Internet. Sorry about that.

  5. Jay


    Official FIFA Schedule:
    Tue: France v South Africa @ Mangaung
    Wed: England v Slovenia @ Pt Elizabeth
    Thu: England v France @ Airport

  6. rooney lennon milner hang your heads in shame no pride

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