The Black Blood Of The Earth: Early Results

May 13th, 2010 | brainjuice

The Black Blood Of The Earth is the supercoffee distilled by Herr Direktor Funranium, as mentioned here passim. A bottle was recently trafficked to me by covert means — right now, it’s only available in the Bay Area, though Herr Direktor is working on that.

The day it arrived, it went straight into the fridge, hissing slightly and frightening the other bottles. The next day, I had an early start, had to head into London — and found that I was out of energy drinks and was too fucked up to attempt making coffee because it involved operating machinery. So I dumped a big shot of The Black Blood into a glass, probably in the region of 100ml, mixed it with about 250ml of chilled almond milk and threw a bit of caramel syrup into it. (I like my coffee sweet, and keep a rack of Monin syrups handy.) I slung the glass back in the hope that it’d at least keep me going until I could get a Red Bull in London — which could have taken anything up to two hours.

Four hours later, I realised I hadn’t had or wanted a Red Bull.

That in itself is both magical and disturbing, given how much caffeine my system needs to tick over.

I’m fairly sure that more intensive doses could activate previously dormant areas of my brain, possibly giving me special mental powers.


23 Responses to “The Black Blood Of The Earth: Early Results”

  1. You were an extreme case test subject and I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to crack through your soul-deep ingrained Red Bull addiction.

    I am taking this as an unqualified success! Please to not be hemorrhaging and/or spontaneously combusting as you go on a BBotE fueled journey to the uncharted nooks and crannies of your skull.

  2. You’ll recall that Balzac ended up eating coffee grounds dry, with a spoon.

  3. i once shared a house with an ethiopian guy who used to grow his own ‘coffee’ back home and smuggle it into the the uk, I use the word ‘coffee’ in that way as it sure tasted like coffee but 3 cups would have you up and hallucinating for 48 hrs straight. No jokes actually hallucinating, in a kind of warm earthy primal kind of way.

    I will endeavor to procure some for you mr ellis

  4. God…..I want to try this stuff…..sounds like the answer to all of my prayers!

  5. That sounds like something I need, quite badly. Very badly.

    It would be for Science.

  6. “…possibly giving me special mental powers.”

    That is a frightening thought.

  7. Are you implying that society’s current caffeine fixation could reach such preposterous levels that activating all those “previously dominant” areas of peoples’ brains causes some kind of evolutionary jump?
    I’d give that stuff a go. The Ethiopian guy’s “homegrown” sounds even better though………

  8. As someone who has been a Jolt Cola drinker for over 20 years, I have to say, BBotE kicks it ass and rules in so many ways. I’m a super caffeine addict and had to try some. Read the results of my journey here:

    http://secretinlifeline.blogspot.com/

  9. i’ve been following his website for a while. I want some.

  10. In the word’s of carson “It Must be mine”

  11. Jack Burton: What is that?
    Egg: Black blood of the earth.
    Jack Burton: You mean oil?
    Egg: No, I mean black blood of the earth!

  12. After reading about BBoE on this very site I decided I had to make some super-coffee myself. Did the triple-cold-brewing thing, etc. Problem is, I don’t really like to drink coffee. So, I decided to combine the output of 3lbs of triple-brewed coffee with an equal amount of sugar to form a simple-syrup, producing about 750ml of deeply-sweet super-coffee. I then mixed that with 750ml of 100 proof Stolichnaya to make a “liqueur” that I’m afraid to drink more than half an ounce of at a time.

    Alcoholic BBoE would probably awaken even the most darkly-dormant areas of your brain. Be afraid.

  13. But how does it taste?

  14. But how does it taste?

    Probably pretty damned good!

  15. My Magneto helmet has psychic shields and stuff. You’ll never break my defenses!

  16. […] The Black Blood Of The Earth: Early Results […]

  17. *…3 cups would have you up and hallucinating for 48 hrs straight*

    Interestingly, in the course of researching why I was getting the physiological effects that I was in myself and other test subjects I learned that, while primarily categorized as a stimulant, caffeine is also a hallucinogen. Test Subject Puppeteer’s “delusions of competence” were very likely an altered state. Not quite bullet time from Matrix, but he felt that he could do most anything he applied his effort to.

  18. DMc — I can only testify about the Kona BBotE that I currently am drinking, but it tastes — and smells — amazing. No bitterness or acidity that you usualy get from starfucks or wherever, just damn good coffee, the way you’ve always wished it could be.

  19. […] Warren Ellis » The Black Blood Of The Earth: Early Results (tags: warrenellis coffee) […]

  20. […] Warren Ellis on the hyper-concentrated coffee known as The Black Blood of the Earth. […]

  21. *…3 cups would have you up and hallucinating for 48 hrs straight*

    Interestingly, in the course of researching why I was getting the physiological effects that I was in myself and other test subjects I learned that, while primarily categorized as a stimulant, caffeine is also a hallucinogen. Test Subject Puppeteer’s “delusions of competence” were very likely an altered state. Not quite bullet time from Matrix, but he felt that he could do most anything he applied his effort to.

    yes this kind of feeling to begin with , very similar to a coke buzz , but im talking actual visual halluciations very similar to mushrooms for prolonged periods, and also the belief that i was psychic. ;-)

  22. […] Warren Ellis has just picked up a very small batch of the homebrew coffee and is impressed. I slung the glass […]

  23. “A thousand years ago, huge earthquakes turned the world upside down. Many normal people were killed, many unnatural beverages roamed free to commit great offenses against the gods. “ – Egg Shen, Big Trouble in Little China [slightly altered]