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And Back

Meeting done, home, finally watched AVATAR all the way through and it’s sort of like someone nailed two Westerns to the centre of Tsui Hark’s brain after it’d been sprayed with paraquat which means it’s very beautiful and reinvents some things central to fantastika cinema that people have largely forgotten to do but uncomfortably illustrates how very carefully dumb something has to become to be the most successful film in the world, and now I’m writing a foreword for a collection of Antony Johnston & Christopher Mitten’s WASTELAND, and, hey, if you’re running Audioboo? I shouldn’t have to attempt the upload through an iPhone app four times before it takes, okay?

Sometimes I think about buying a Mac laptop, on the basis that it would be such a counterintuitive alien piece of Fischer Price fuckware that I would only be able to write manuscripts on it and would be damned lucky to get on to the internet at all (I don’t think I even have Mac software for my cranky router). I’m sure I would be very productive.

Published in daybook


  1. Chris Chris

    That’s some commitment to a sentence.

  2. Warren Ellis Warren Ellis

    I am the king of the absurd run-on sentence.

    Not that there was what you’d call a lot of competition for that crown.

  3. Tek Tek

    You don’t need “Mac” software for a router…

    I believe you made this post just to irritate my nerd.

  4. Thom Thom

    Unfortunately buying a Mac for that purpose will not help you, since you don’t need software for the router for it to work. Plug and play.

  5. Now you’ve opened the floodgates.

    I got a really cheap and slow iBook G4 a few years ago so I could include OS X in a book I was writing about UNIX. I ended up writing most of the book on it, and after that I ended up using it for almost everything except playing games.

    I got tired of dicking around with stuff instead of getting things done. *shrug*

    The best computer for anyone is the one that runs the software you prefer, and that wastes the least of your time.

  6. You brave puny humans taunting the Many-Eyed God of the Interwebs with your tainted knowledge of the Apple from the Garden. Be gone with ye before He smite you most furiously!

    And its not a run-on sentence – its C.U.I. – Communicating Under the Influence (Redbull, caffeine, nicotine, etc…)


  7. Matt K Matt K

    Since Apple appears to have retired the “Mac/PC” ad campaign, I vote for giving serious consideration to a new marketing theme of “counterintuitive alien piece of Fischer Price fuckware.”

    If that isn’t too many characters, maybe I should re-name my iMac, in fact.

  8. Drax Drax

    What they said. I hang out with Ming on Mongo every day via my Mac Book Pro. There’s no place you can’t go, nothing you can’t do. (Ugh.) But it’s true. I crunch planets with this thing.

  9. My favourite absurd run-on sentence to date comes from Old Man Murray.

    “In my ongoing quest to read everything ever written about my new favorite game Giants – a product that, while it does have a few bugs, hasn’t caused any part of my computer to actually literally physically explode – I ran across this review at Gamepen, a site for which I have no snide comment because I don’t know anything about it other than the fact that its name sounds a little like “gaypen”, a fact that could potentially be used against it if you absolutely couldn’t think of anything else, and, hey, what an epic journey this sentence has been – welcome to the end of it.”

  10. Warren Ellis Warren Ellis

    “I hang out with Ming on Mongo every day via my Mac Book Pro”

    I think that’s more to do with your clearly being massively undermedicated than it is to do with your Mac.

  11. Lyle Lyle

    Just to irritate people, if he’s using an older router, or just a piece of crap, it could indeed not work with macs. Anyone who’s tried to use a mac at a company run entirely on Microsoft products knows this.

    I am curious though, what would not be a “counterintuitive alien piece of Fischer Price fuckware”? Windows fits that bill as equally as OS X does (and they both use the same hardware…)

  12. The whole point of the fucken things is that they’re so easy to use that you can spend all day every day fucking about having the illusion of productivity, until a rep from Apple contacts you to award you with 15 minutes of non-copyrightable fame.

    Apple, Sony, the future of autoasphyxiation media poisons, delivered sexually via perfectly designed masturbation aids.

    Sent from my iPhone
    God kill me


  13. Anonymous Anonymous

    fricken mac lovers….just use a damned computer, fashion statements and PR are no alternative method for proving a “ahem” manufacturers worth.

  14. >>>uncomfortably illustrates how very carefully dumb something has to become to be the most successful film in the world

    I have no desire to see it. I’ve seen some HD previews and for all the hype about the CGI, it still looks like an airless glorified video game. Do you think the dumbness of it was clearly calculated or just emblematic of Cameron’s IQ? I liked his Aliens, but of course you could see all of its buttons and seams clearly.

  15. >>>uncomfortably illustrates how very carefully dumb something has to become to be the most successful film in the world

    Well, if we place intelligence at a premium, that would mean that it’s uncommon. To make a lot of money, you’ve got to appeal to what is common- which is dumb. Make it too good- to smart- too thought intensive for the viewer, and you lose all those viewers who think it’s cool when a car explodes after being shot.

    Likewise, if you make the villain complicated you make this same audience feel uncomfortable for identifying with the bad guys. Much better to make them evil at the core… right?!

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