Count Cockula

October 28th, 2009 | researchmaterial

Sarah Deaton just made me look at this AND NOW YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT IT TOO GOD DAMN YOU.

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17 Responses to “Count Cockula”

  1. …what the hell am I looking at?

  2. At least it doesn’t sparkle. Or state that it “retains hot and cold temperature.”, adding “Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience.”

    This does: http://tantusinc.com/mm5/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=TD&Product_Code=VAMP&Category_Code=DI

  3. Now I need something sharp to put my mind’s eye out

    JDC

  4. It’s… a vampire fleshlight… hidden in a tallboy? Dear mother of god the end is now really… really.. nigh..

  5. See this is what you get for the creepy mrs. Mcdonald picture you subjected us to

  6. That video is incredibly misleading.. Also, soft, tiny teeth don’t really lend themselves to the whole Vampire mythos.
    On the other hand, I’ve just found my Halloween costume! Have it!

  7. I saw this a day or two ago, and am pissed that I didn’t send it to you first. Still as horrifying as the first time.

  8. And all of a sudden… I know who I’m going to be for Halloween.

  9. TWILIGHT RUINED FUCKING A POUNDER CAN FULL OF SILICONE GOO!

  10. mmmpppffrrhahahahahaa!
    “mom? i just got daddy’s christmas gift!”

  11. Vampire blowjobs… This can only be win if there is a hidden beartrap–I mean, that’s WHY you’d fantasize about bloodsucking undead, right? To have your vein-filled junk gnawed off…

  12. This is especially funny because I just stumbled on the forgotten ’70s classic film GAYRACULA.

    Yes, GAYRACULA.

    I’ll say it one more time for good measure. GAYRACULA.

    In which he fights his arch enemy, the Marquis de Suede.

    THE MARQUIS DE SUEDE.

  13. I am not at all surprised at seeing this after BUKAKE!

  14. Ah yes, Gayracula. I first saw this film on a 13″ CRT in an artists’ enclave tucked into the mountains of a Cherokee reservation. The firewater was flowing freely and mere minutes before I had been pulled by my Halloween costume into a bathroom to make out with someone whose name or face I never caught.

    The nude dance scene complete with 4th-grade boy farting sound effects is enough to make the purchase of this film worthwhile.

  15. Mmmm…GAYRACULA should make an (re)appearance in WITCH DOCTOR, Brandon.

  16. *points* *laughs*

  17. I call foul play! I’ve had cockula tattooed on my foot for nearly 5 years now! i demand a piece of this pie! if they produce a frankenpussy one too i’m getting a lawyer! exclamation!