May 24th, 2005 | brainjuice
It occurs to me that an awful lot of trouble in Gotham City could have been averted a long time ago if Batman had just ripped the Joker’s nipples off.
I mean, treatment doesn’t work, does it? They stick the Joker in the nuthatch, he comes out again and does the same things.
A man with the nipples ripped off him does not make the same mistakes twice.
Criminals are a superstitious, cowardly lot, and need the nipples ripped off them.
I mean, who’s going to argue?
“Batman, I’ve heard disturbing reports that you ripped the Joker’s nipples off.”
“Choke on my fuck, Commissioner Gordon.”
I mean, crime in Gotham City doesn’t exactly seem to be affected by a man dressed as a bat flapping around the place. But no-one disobeys a man wearing a necklace of human nipples.
“I’m Batman” isn’t cutting it in the striking-fear-into-their-hearts stakes. But “I’m Batman — and I’m here for your nipples” is an entirely different proposition.
Criminals would see the error of their ways after a man in a black leather pervert suit had their nipples off with the edge of a Batarang, you mark my words. Or a Bat-Denipplizer.
I’m off to ring DC Comics.
(Written 2002, just realised it hadn’t been moved over here yet.)