Conan! What Is Best In Life?

July 12th, 2009 | people I know, photography, researchmaterial

"BATTLE!"

(warrenellis.com is not safe for work. Conan! posts are not safe for your perception of 21st Century society.)

(Hello to anyone coming here from Observer Music Monthly. The post they were citing is very short and is here.)

(tip of the hat to Jordan at ModBlog, doing a fine job)

34 Responses to “Conan! What Is Best In Life?”

  1. Oh man, that’s nasty.
    Marvellous!

  2. I think I love you.

  3. I kept saying “WHAT” but it didn’t make any sense even after a dozen or so times.

    I’m frightened.

  4. huh.

  5. But…

    How…

    Why…

    *head explodes*

  6. “not safe for your perception of 21st Century society”

    Ha! Mine was ruined after BME Pain Olympics.

  7. That’s the best Conan I’ve ever seen. I wish the hydra had a third head.

  8. That may be the ugliest penii I’ve ever seen, and that’s without seeing Carrot Top’s yet (so far I’ve evaded it).

  9. I knew better, but I still looked. Now, my cerebellum has petrified, rendering me inert.

  10. Friend: “I think Warren Ellis has some….issues”

    Me: “No. I think Warren Ellis has some normalcies. Everything else is issues”

  11. I used to think I couldn’t be phased by the CONAN! posts anymore. I thought I’d seen it all.

    *eyes bleed*

  12. Man, that’s just… wrong. And by ‘wrong’ I mean bloody WRONG!

  13. AUUGGHHH! MY EYES!!!!! ASSHOLE, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO FOR EYES NOW?!?!??!!!

  14. “the indescribable horror…!”

    …can you be sure it *wasn’t* carrot top?

  15. Ginger? Really? Warren you shouldn’t show us things like that.

  16. Now THAT is a natural redhead.

    (No, Mr. Ellis, that sort of photo is no longer shocking to me. But please do not try to shock me further, for I’m still traumatized by the eels.)

  17. Not Carrot Top, d@arby. He’s been on a weightlifting, tanning, & steroids kick for a long time. That torso looks nothing like his… yeesh.

  18. It’s weird to think some people from Observer Music Monthly are about to stumble unwittingly down the “rabbit hole”, despite a fairly charitable and serious warning. I’d feel pity for them, but Warren has now forcibly removed all my emotions save Unspeakable Horror and Impotent Awe.

  19. Well, I can’t say I wasn’t warned … hope I never have to stand next to either guy in a public toilet, not without a raincoat. Still don’t get the Conan reference, though.

  20. It looks like an arrow through a heart. This is truly 21st century sweet!

  21. Sooo, the nice folks from Observer Music Monthly are going to come over and say, ‘Oh, here’s the link that nice Mr. Ellis provided us and… Conan? I LIKE Conan. Let’s see what THAT’S about.” Click…

  22. ive always wondered about that…. Can each of the bitties wiggle independently of each other?

  23. split dick. seen that.
    I am wondering at the impossibly harilessness of the 1 guy not even the trace of a folicle. How on earth does one achieve that? Full body electrolysis with gear from Mr Tesla.

  24. It makes a little heart! That’s so cute.

    And the other dick is like an arrow. Valentine’s day dicks!

  25. I’ve been on the Internets long enough that the only thing which really, really bothers me about this post… Is the tags it’s filed under.

    “Research?” Wibble.

  26. Please, tell me you have a photo of a woman with two vaginas.

    Only this could restore the balance of existence.

    This, and a movie with all them together.

  27. What is the research? Measurement of our gag reflex? Warren, I think you need a paddling, and I’m willing to administer it to you. :=)

  28. LOL! Looks more like patty cake…

  29. I have been giggling now for some five minutes. I know I should be disgusted. I know I should be horrified. I know I should, but all I can hear is monster noises and imagine them Harryhausenly nipping at one another. Thank you sir.

  30. Why God? WHY!?

  31. It’s not the sight that will haunt my dreams tonight. It’s wondering “How the fuck did they DO that? Prosthesis? Surgery? Mutation? Photoshop?”

  32. and sometimes, just sometimes, I see something here that make me wish I were a girl^^

  33. This puts my dick fights to shame. Time to get out the ole widdling knife and band-aids.

  34. It bothers me.

    No, not the split penis. The redhead’s body hair. I find that more disquieting than the split penis, and I weep for my lost innocence.


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Not Even A Secret One

Kieron Gillen - 09 Feb 10

Complete Plan B Archive

Kieron Gillen - 09 Feb 10

The whole run of Plan B magazine has been released as a single 670Mb PDF. That’s 46 issues of some of the finest music writing of the decade. And a lot of posturing pretentiousness too. It’s like two of my favourite things for the price of one. Or none, as it’s a free PDF.

If you’ve any interest in music in the 00s, or music full stop, this is a great thing to just have on file. You’ll discover a new band every time you browse it.

Hell, it’s even worth getting if you’re one of the games journalist sorts. For the first 10-20 issues or so, I was doing games stuff for it. And Quinns and Mathew Kumar too, who I bullied into contributing. Very much written for the non-gamer about games which get pretty much no coverage, we had fun trying to decode the concept of Outsider Games.

Whole thing here. Go gets!

Coilhouse is Hiring! Apply Here.

Coilhouse - 08 Feb 10

Back around the time of Issue 03, we launched the Small Business Advertising Program to create affordable ad space for indie companies in the print version of Coilhouse. By the time Issue 04 rolled around, the number of advertisers had grown significantly – by this time, we had record labels, jewelry and clothing designers, sculptors, other magazines, web hosts, toy makers and graphic designers advertising in our pages. Click here to see them all. With editorial duties taking up more and more of our time as the weeks go by, the moment has come for us to seek help with the advertising side of running the magazine. We’re looking to hire an Ad Manager for our Small Business Advertising Program, starting with Coilhouse Magazine #05… and possibly subsequent issues.

Full details after the jump!


Read the rest of Coilhouse is Hiring! Apply Here.


Post tags: Coilhouse

Untitled Post

blissblog - 08 Feb 10

Untitled Post

blissblog - 08 Feb 10

Untitled Post

blissblog - 08 Feb 10

State of South Carolina Secretary of State Subversive Agent Form

jwz - 08 Feb 10

Check the appropriate box. Do you or your organization directly or indirectly advocate, advise, teach or practice the duty or necessity of controlling, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States, the state of South Carolina or any political division thereof?
[ ] YES [ ] NO

If yes, please outline the fundamental beliefs. If applicable, attach a copy of the bylaws or minutes of meetings from the last year.

"Inflection Points" Presentation

Open The Future - 08 Feb 10

For those folks who are interested, here's the Slideshare version of the presentation I gave last week at the Earthquake Engineering Research Institute annual meeting. I was asked to talk about foresight thinking, as the event theme was "The Big One of 2056: What Went Right?" a look at a fictional 7.8 quake in the SF region that was handled as well as they could imagine possible.

My goal was to offer a bit of reassurance to the audience that there is some real utility to thinking about the future, and to spell out (in a cursory way) the kinds of big picture issues they should keep in mind while looking ahead forty-six years.

By and large, it was a successful talk. The post-talk questions were engaged, with little push-back, and I'm told that the overall response from the audience was quite positive.

The talk was video recorded, and I'm told will eventually be available to the public. I'll link when that happens.

CAN GIFTING ECONOMIES SCALE?

John Robb - 08 Feb 10

A gifting economy is different from a barter or market economy in that valuable items are given away to those that need them, without any quid pro quo, exchange, or payment.  Gifting economics (lots of great papers on this topic) were/are the economic heartbeat of hunter-gatherer tribal cultures, the social organization where we spent 99% of our time as homo sapiens sapiens.  Barter was, in contrast, a mechanism for economic interactions between tribes.  

This gifting economic system wasn't based on pure altruism.  It did have an enforcement mechanism to ensure compliance with the system over the longer term.  On the positive side, there was an intangible increase in the social status (using personal or societal metrics) of a tribal member that gifted an item.  On the negative, a failure to offer hospitality or gifts to those in need was considered a mortal slight that could incite violence or expulsion from the tribe.

There were also a considerable number of drivers for gifting at the tribal level.  Here are some:

  • The survival of the tribe, as a group, was more important than the survival of any individual.  However, the loss of any individual could put the tribe at risk.
  • The generation of surplus and innovation was highly uncertain.  Sharing reduced that uncertainty to manageable levels.
  • Sharing reduced internal friction that could put the tribe at risk.

Scalability

It's pretty clear that the societal drivers of tribal gifting economics and the mechanisms of enforcement didn't survive the transition to a global social system composed of billions of members.   Simply, the connections between any two individuals (outside of immediate familial relationships) are too abstract for these drivers and enforcement mechanisms to be relevant.   As a result, market based mechanisms for economic interaction have gained dominance.

However, the ongoing shift of the global market-based economy from a trade in rival goods (tangible items that invoke zero sum economics) to digital non-rival goods (items that can be copied at no expense or diminishment, endlessly) provides a window of opportunity.  It may be possible to revive gifting economics for non-rival goods to amazing beneficial effect.   Some ideas on how this could scale:

  • Automated reputation metrics that enhance social status based on contributions.
  • Mechanisms built using MMO gaming as a way to tie successful gifting to status improvement (leveling) or an ability to attract investment.
  • The creation of an inside/outside barrier that separates a gifting economy from the global economic mainstream.   Automated mutual interdependence (see my friend Bruce Sterling's absolutely brilliant story on this:  "Maneki Neko").

Latest on SNOW

Jean Snow - 08 Feb 10

Latest on SNOW

So what’s the latest on SNOW? I guess two new developments art that I added a dedicated Twitter feed, and also created a Facebook fan page. The Twitter feed is mostly just automated with new articles from the site — because some people actually prefer that over RSS feeds these days — but I do keep an eye on it, and will reply to questions and comments. The Facebook page is just another way of putting the site out there, and should be a good way of informing members of SNOW-related events as they happen.

Regular content updates have also continued over the past week, with a few new guest columns and my regular news items. Here’s a list of what you may have missed over the past few days.