Another Pungee Stick In The Doom Pit Of Our Future

May 30th, 2008 | brainjuice

Monkey-controlled robots have upgraded from leg control to arm control, it seems. I don’t consider this a useful advance. Monkeys are well known, after all, for, well… non-consensual sexual activities. And I frankly refuse to end my life desperately trying to fend off a monkey-powered robot fisting. I mean, is that really the future you wanted? "Day 184. Still can’t go outside. Monkeys waiting to fist me with robot arms." No. You’re not even going to get a jetpack with which to evade the mechanical rape arms of the Simian Love Patrol.

And even if you did, the monkeys would learn how to fly them.

19 Responses to “Another Pungee Stick In The Doom Pit Of Our Future”

  1. “Simian Love Patrol” sounds like an Indie band name

  2. Seriously, Science, how hard is it NOT to mechanically enhance nature’s tiny rapists? Really?

  3. AICN boards are getting excited about the possibility of Neil Gaiman writing an episode for Dr Who, but some of the talkbackers have decided Warren would be a better choice:
    “by Darkocity May 28th, 2008
    If they got Warren Ellis to pen Dr Who then
    i reckon we would definitly get something like an angry-god, nietzsche battlestar galactica cum The Authority type Who! With the Dr injecting drugs or saltwater into his nutsack. Now that would be something.”
    http://www.aintitcool.com/talkback_display/36901#comment_2086104
    Bring it on!

  4. Monkeys will only abuse the technology given to them. They will use their mighty robotic arms to fling genetically engineered “smart poo” with horrifying power and range. Damn you Dr. Schwartz, for visiting upon us this monkey poo encrusted apocalypse.

  5. I goodled “Simian Love Patrol” and only got this post as a result, how can this NOT be a band name already? Well, I think we can look forward to someone in the near future (or many someones) saddling their garage-effort with this narratively-enhanced (thanks, Warren! Robo-mokey-fisting is a concept not nearly poured over enough in today’s modern world of literature) nomenclature. You’ll be able to spot ‘em – they’ll be wearing the Grinder goggles and sporting a Snowtown tag tat. (Me? I just have “I -heart- Spider J.” tattoed on my penis)

    -g-

  6. You seem to forget the accuracy and range they will also be able to fling their feces. So forget the jetpack they will knock you out of the sky with their bionic poop missiles.

  7. I’m surprised the concept of “eschatonic monkey robo-fisting” hasn’t already become the in-thing for fan fiction.

  8. If the monkeys got jetpacks as well, do you think there would be fisting in the sky?

  9. People. Stop dumping on the future of my dreams. Bionic monkey-poo missiles and robot fisting give me HOPE.

  10. i just hope they’ve got those monkey-cyborg prototypes under heavy, heavy armed-guard.. although it would be cool to have one in your Top-8 on MySpace

  11. Get your filthy stinkin’ paws off me, you damn dirty apes.

  12. I think that should be “Get your stinking paws out of me you damn dirty Ape!”

  13. On the plus side, still no breakthroughs in monkey-controlled robot tentacles.

    Yet.

  14. [...] Warren Ellis ยป Another Pungee Stick In The Doom Pit Of Our Future And I frankly refuse to end my life desperately trying to fend off a monkey-powered robot fisting. (tags: science monkeys robotics warrenellis) [...]

  15. Gary Numan would be proud:

    “Come to Zom-Zom’s a place to eat
    Like it was built in one day
    You can watch the humans trying to run.
    Oh look there’s a rape machine
    I’d go outside if he’d look the other way
    You wouldn’t believe the things they do.”

    I’m guessing that Numan’s vision in “Down in the Park” may not have been mechnical monkeys but that fits.

  16. [...] Warren Ellis » Another Pungee Stick In The Doom Pit Of Our Future – Tagged with: cybernetics funny monkey rant warrenellis Category: del.icio.us  |  Comment (RSS)  |  Trackback [...]

  17. [...] Warren Ellis » Another Pungee Stick In The Doom Pit Of Our Future – Tagged with: none [...]

  18. [...] Warren Ellis » Another Pungee Stick In The Doom Pit Of Our Future – Tagged with: none [...]

  19. I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

Not Even A Secret One

Kieron Gillen - 09 Feb 10

Complete Plan B Archive

Kieron Gillen - 09 Feb 10

The whole run of Plan B magazine has been released as a single 670Mb PDF. That’s 46 issues of some of the finest music writing of the decade. And a lot of posturing pretentiousness too. It’s like two of my favourite things for the price of one. Or none, as it’s a free PDF.

If you’ve any interest in music in the 00s, or music full stop, this is a great thing to just have on file. You’ll discover a new band every time you browse it.

Hell, it’s even worth getting if you’re one of the games journalist sorts. For the first 10-20 issues or so, I was doing games stuff for it. And Quinns and Mathew Kumar too, who I bullied into contributing. Very much written for the non-gamer about games which get pretty much no coverage, we had fun trying to decode the concept of Outsider Games.

Whole thing here. Go gets!

Coilhouse is Hiring! Apply Here.

Coilhouse - 08 Feb 10

Back around the time of Issue 03, we launched the Small Business Advertising Program to create affordable ad space for indie companies in the print version of Coilhouse. By the time Issue 04 rolled around, the number of advertisers had grown significantly – by this time, we had record labels, jewelry and clothing designers, sculptors, other magazines, web hosts, toy makers and graphic designers advertising in our pages. Click here to see them all. With editorial duties taking up more and more of our time as the weeks go by, the moment has come for us to seek help with the advertising side of running the magazine. We’re looking to hire an Ad Manager for our Small Business Advertising Program, starting with Coilhouse Magazine #05… and possibly subsequent issues.

Full details after the jump!


Read the rest of Coilhouse is Hiring! Apply Here.


Post tags: Coilhouse

Untitled Post

blissblog - 08 Feb 10

Untitled Post

blissblog - 08 Feb 10

Untitled Post

blissblog - 08 Feb 10

State of South Carolina Secretary of State Subversive Agent Form

jwz - 08 Feb 10

Check the appropriate box. Do you or your organization directly or indirectly advocate, advise, teach or practice the duty or necessity of controlling, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States, the state of South Carolina or any political division thereof?
[ ] YES [ ] NO

If yes, please outline the fundamental beliefs. If applicable, attach a copy of the bylaws or minutes of meetings from the last year.

"Inflection Points" Presentation

Open The Future - 08 Feb 10

For those folks who are interested, here's the Slideshare version of the presentation I gave last week at the Earthquake Engineering Research Institute annual meeting. I was asked to talk about foresight thinking, as the event theme was "The Big One of 2056: What Went Right?" a look at a fictional 7.8 quake in the SF region that was handled as well as they could imagine possible.

My goal was to offer a bit of reassurance to the audience that there is some real utility to thinking about the future, and to spell out (in a cursory way) the kinds of big picture issues they should keep in mind while looking ahead forty-six years.

By and large, it was a successful talk. The post-talk questions were engaged, with little push-back, and I'm told that the overall response from the audience was quite positive.

The talk was video recorded, and I'm told will eventually be available to the public. I'll link when that happens.

CAN GIFTING ECONOMIES SCALE?

John Robb - 08 Feb 10

A gifting economy is different from a barter or market economy in that valuable items are given away to those that need them, without any quid pro quo, exchange, or payment.  Gifting economics (lots of great papers on this topic) were/are the economic heartbeat of hunter-gatherer tribal cultures, the social organization where we spent 99% of our time as homo sapiens sapiens.  Barter was, in contrast, a mechanism for economic interactions between tribes.  

This gifting economic system wasn't based on pure altruism.  It did have an enforcement mechanism to ensure compliance with the system over the longer term.  On the positive side, there was an intangible increase in the social status (using personal or societal metrics) of a tribal member that gifted an item.  On the negative, a failure to offer hospitality or gifts to those in need was considered a mortal slight that could incite violence or expulsion from the tribe.

There were also a considerable number of drivers for gifting at the tribal level.  Here are some:

  • The survival of the tribe, as a group, was more important than the survival of any individual.  However, the loss of any individual could put the tribe at risk.
  • The generation of surplus and innovation was highly uncertain.  Sharing reduced that uncertainty to manageable levels.
  • Sharing reduced internal friction that could put the tribe at risk.

Scalability

It's pretty clear that the societal drivers of tribal gifting economics and the mechanisms of enforcement didn't survive the transition to a global social system composed of billions of members.   Simply, the connections between any two individuals (outside of immediate familial relationships) are too abstract for these drivers and enforcement mechanisms to be relevant.   As a result, market based mechanisms for economic interaction have gained dominance.

However, the ongoing shift of the global market-based economy from a trade in rival goods (tangible items that invoke zero sum economics) to digital non-rival goods (items that can be copied at no expense or diminishment, endlessly) provides a window of opportunity.  It may be possible to revive gifting economics for non-rival goods to amazing beneficial effect.   Some ideas on how this could scale:

  • Automated reputation metrics that enhance social status based on contributions.
  • Mechanisms built using MMO gaming as a way to tie successful gifting to status improvement (leveling) or an ability to attract investment.
  • The creation of an inside/outside barrier that separates a gifting economy from the global economic mainstream.   Automated mutual interdependence (see my friend Bruce Sterling's absolutely brilliant story on this:  "Maneki Neko").

Latest on SNOW

Jean Snow - 08 Feb 10

Latest on SNOW

So what’s the latest on SNOW? I guess two new developments art that I added a dedicated Twitter feed, and also created a Facebook fan page. The Twitter feed is mostly just automated with new articles from the site — because some people actually prefer that over RSS feeds these days — but I do keep an eye on it, and will reply to questions and comments. The Facebook page is just another way of putting the site out there, and should be a good way of informing members of SNOW-related events as they happen.

Regular content updates have also continued over the past week, with a few new guest columns and my regular news items. Here’s a list of what you may have missed over the past few days.