IGNITION CITY Workblog: October 2

October 2nd, 2006 | Work

    PAGE FOURTEEN

Pic 1
CUT TO: in a small room with one small porthole in its curving steel wall, we discover LIGHTNING BOWMAN sitting on a chamberpot, wearing only a long-sleeved velour t-shirt type thing with a lightning bolt embroidered on the front, totally naked from the waist down. Straining. Lightning Bowman used to be an athlete, tall, bronzed, blond. His hair is still blond, but, when we see him move, he’s stooped, and he’s not lean any more, just thin. He doesn’t fit his own skin. He’s coming up hard on fifty, and not looking good on it.

LIGHTNING is a major character. I think we can introduce him with a page-wide shot, squatting on his chamberpot. The floor, by the way, will either be steel or wood, and have a DIY, home-made kind of finish. We’ll see why later.

BOWMAN
Hnng.


Pic 2
Spittle flies from his lips as the tension lets go.

BOWMAN
Pfffah.

Pic 3
He stands with difficulty, pulling his shirt down reflexively over his cock. Because we don’t need to see that, do we? No.

BOWMAN
Goddamnit.


Pic 3
He peers down at the bowl.

BOWMAN
Fucking rabbit shit.


BOWMAN
All that bloating and production for four fucking pellets.


Pic 4
He picks up the pot by its handle, opening the porthole-window.

BOWMAN
Haven't had to wipe my ass in three fucking weeks. It's not right.


Pic 5
He upends the pot out the window.

BOWMAN
This is what I get for having to live on goddamn food pills.

    PAGE FIFTEEN

Pic 1
Outside; and we discover where he’s living. Imagine a crash-landed Flash Gordon rocketship. It’s in the ground nose-first, leaning to one side a little bit. And it’s been converted into a home. That porthole-window is near the top. And it’s open, with his hand turning the pot out, and his four little turds dropping from the pot.. and there’s a figure slumped against the building on the mud below…

(Probably a high fence behind it, suggesting that it’s in its own lot.)

(no dialogue)

Pic 2
…YURI, in his spacesuit, vodka bottle in hand, waking up as four hard little turds bounce off his head.

YURI is also in his late forties. He looks as Yuri Gagarin would have if he’d lived that long, fucked himself out and become an alcoholic (both of which he was well on his way towards before he died). And, yes, he’s wearing an old Soviet spacesuit. Without the helmet, obviously. He just shambles around the settlement in a spacesuit he never takes off (and you can imagine what kind of mess it’s in), swilling vodka and shouting at people. Yuri is the town drunk.

(The vodka brand should be called SPACIBO, when we see the label.)

YURI
Hmn? Rain?

YURI
Pfuh. Of course it rains on Yuri. The jealous universe waves its tiny penis in Yuri’s face once more.

Pic 3
He awakens fully, realising what’s hit him. Because there’s a turd on his chest. He tries to focus on it, almost going cross-eyed.

YURI
No. Is… is mouse turd.

YURI
You drop your baby turds on Yuri now?

Pic 4
He rages, standing shakily.

YURI
Lightning Bowman! Govnjúk! You are assfucker of pigs!

YURI
How dare you deploy your shitpot on greatest Russian ever in time!

YURI
I have more medals than you have scabs on your whoremonger's cock!


Pic 5
Bowman closes the window miserably.

BOWMAN
Die, Yuri.


Pic 6
Yuri shakes his fist upwards.

YURI
Yuri cannot die!

YURI
And Yuri can shit out logs of men, not pebbles of mice!

YURI
Yuri will make you wheel to scurry around in and squeak your English from!

    PAGE SIXTEEN

Pic 1
Yuri staggers off away from us, still waving his fists. We see now, at this change of angle, that there’s a fair amount of space around Lightning’s rocket, and so opposite the rocket, across the empty lot, is the back of a BOARDING HOUSE, a three-storey place. No signage, as this is the back. There’s one back door. As we go along, we’re going to be able to connect all these places together.

YURI
Yuri is Russia’s greatest cosmonaut!

YURI
Also, Russia’s greatest love machine!

YURI
No wonder they disavow Yuri and send him here to die like unloved dog with incurable stomach disease.

Pic 2
He drops to his knees and vomits, still distant from us.

YURI
Poékhali!

YURI
uuuaakkk


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  1. You can find Warren on Twitter: @warrenellis