Okay, THIS Is The Only Thing I’ll Write About Star Wars

June 14th, 2006 | brainjuice

After the other post which shall not be named as it does not exist no really, several people from Hollyweird emailed me with variations on the following story. As one of them said to me, it may well be apocryphal, but it’s too good a story not to tell:

In the weeks after STAR WARS ate the box office alive and made George Lucas instantly richer than God, the man himself could be found in his shiny new offices, stroking the high-tech goods on his beautiful wooden desk. His top-of-the-range intercom system burped, his secretary announcing that she’d received a visitor without an appointment. A Mr Kurosawa.

Lucas leapt up and gushingly welcomed Akira Kurosawa, his cinematic hero, who, as the story has it, was in town to sort out some foreign-rights business.

Kurosawa is ushered into Lucas’ office, placed in a seat opposite him, they sit, and… silence.

And the silence stretches for a minute.

At which point, so the story goes, George Lucas nods once, slowly. Opens the drawer on his beautiful new desk. Extracts his personal chequebook. And, the tale alleges, he drafts an extraordinarily large cheque to the name of A. Kurosawa.

Kurosawa takes the cheque from Lucas’ fingers. They stand, they bow, and Kurosawa leaves, never having said a word the entire time.

Now leave me alone, Internet Ewoks.

32 Responses to “Okay, THIS Is The Only Thing I’ll Write About Star Wars”

  1. I was SO sure that the story was going to end with Kurosawa shooting Lucas underneath the table before tossing a coin to the secretary on the way out. “Sorry ’bout the mess.”

  2. There some truth in it somewhere as I believe Lucas was involved on the money end with Kagemusha.

  3. For those who want to know: http://hem.bredband.net/wookiee/development/

    *shivers*

  4. [...] Warrenellis.com » Okay, THIS Is The Only Thing I’ll Write About Star Wars [...]

  5. It really is a lovely story. With a story this good, one should be totally unconcerned about whether or not it’s true. Irrelevant!

  6. Lucas is one of the cheapest dudes in Hollywood. That story has a fun ring to it, but honestly, that probably never happened. Add to that that Lucas and Kurosawa actually had a pretty good relationship (apparently) which led to Lucas being the executive producer on Kagemusha.

  7. Excellent.

  8. i want to believe it! in fact i’m going to, simply because i want to.

    hilarious!

  9. [...] Wieder auf Warren Ellis’ Blog, wo ihr den Rest lesen solltet. [...]

  10. Now that’s a story that can sit on the shelf next to the L Ron Hubbard/Robert Heinlein bar bet story. You know it happened exactly that way simply because nothing else would be as right.

  11. What’s this about a bar bet?

  12. Now only if Warren can somehow work Shatner into the conversation, I can finally ejaculate.

  13. Now, if Warren can only somehow work Shatner into the conversation, I can finally ejaculate.

  14. I can’t remember whether I’ve heard this story before, or it’s just cynicism on my part, but I imagine it’s something along the lines of Fatty Hubbard betting he could make up a religion and get other people to follow it.

    That couldn’t possibly be true, though, could it? :p

  15. [...] get away from me get get get [...]

  16. Fogbat i think it is true because Harlan Ellison mentions being around at the time
    http://www.islets.net/faq.html#Anchor-Was-47857

  17. Yes! Perfect!

  18. As I heard it, the Heinlein/Hubbard bet was that each one would write a book and see if it could be turned into a real religion.

    I think Heinlein’s attempt was supposed to be STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND, which only succeeded in getting a bunch of computer gurus in the 70’s and 80’s to think “grok” was a sensible word.

  19. I think my soul is about dead now. 1980 take me away!

  20. So neither of them is a member of the Jedi religion – they both worship the almighty dollar. Good on ‘em.

  21. “I think Heinlein’s attempt was supposed to be STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND, which only succeeded in getting a bunch of computer gurus in the 70’s and 80’s to think “grok” was a sensible word.”

    One of them STILL does it.

  22. You’re wrong, Jay, unless you don’t consider CAW a ‘religion.’ Of course, it seemed to me that RH based a lot of ‘Stranger’ on Crowley’s concept of Thelema.

  23. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I’m laughing at you warren. HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

  24. The Heinlein – Hubbard Wage Myth is just that, a myth. At best it’s based on foggy memories and rumours. I preached it as gospel for years until I actually too the time to check the facts. It’s actually quite surprising how many of these types of stories don’t hold up to even the most gentle scrutiny.

    Feel free to read the details.

  25. Sometimes the story is extended to include Frank Herbert and Arthur C. Clarke being in on the bet as well. But it doesn’t sound like the type of thing Heinlein would have ever pursued seriously in real life; deluding people with a bullshit religion for cash. Neither can the Church of All Worlds in STRANGER be taken as offering anyone a serious model for a religion (although apparently some people did), as it’s based on the premise that psionic powers really exist and can be taught–in other words, on access to a genuine higher power rather than merely having faith in one. Take that away and you’re left with a bunch of goddamn hippies in a wading pool.

  26. Regarding the Hubbard bet story, a number of prominent figures in the circle of early sci-fi fandom (including Theodore Sturgeon) reported hearing Hubbard say some version of “the real money is in religion.” There are several versions of this story, so he may have said it publicly on more than one occasion. (Editor Sam Moskowitz went so far as to issue an affadavit with his version of the quotation, citing the time and place of the incident.) The Heinlein “bar bet” version is doubtful, and even more doubtful are the versions that drag Herbert, Asimov, and Clarke into the mix. (It seems like people are substituting more popular SF writers for the more obscure figures involved in the less anecdote-ready versions of the story.) To my knowledge, the most probable version of the bar bet story involves L. Sprague deCamp. See also…

    http://www.bible.ca/scientology-1million-start-a-religion.htm

  27. According to http://www.skepticfiles.org/skeptic/scient4d.htm it was Joe Haldeman.

  28. This most certainly never happened. This is yet another Urban Ledgend amongst those with to much time on their hands and jealousy in their hearts. This legend originated by the well documented first meeting between Lucas and Kurosawa in the book Droidmaker. Kurosawa saw what was to replace the editing tools of his trade and he was silence throughout the demonstraton until the very end.

  29. [...] My Post Anyway, I check his site this morning and find he has posted something just for me: Warren’s Response [...]

  30. More Lucas rip-offery is discussed here, complete with references to Cheyenne Autumn, The Searchers and Sword of Sherwood Forest.

  31. Re Church of All Worlds versus Scientology… Yes, but which one would you rather be a member of?

  32. [...] Two great (probably) true anecdotes about Star Wars from Warren Ellis. [...]

Untitled Post

blissblog - 09 Feb 10

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blissblog - 09 Feb 10

Not Even A Secret One

Kieron Gillen - 09 Feb 10

Complete Plan B Archive

Kieron Gillen - 09 Feb 10

The whole run of Plan B magazine has been released as a single 670Mb PDF. That’s 46 issues of some of the finest music writing of the decade. And a lot of posturing pretentiousness too. It’s like two of my favourite things for the price of one. Or none, as it’s a free PDF.

If you’ve any interest in music in the 00s, or music full stop, this is a great thing to just have on file. You’ll discover a new band every time you browse it.

Hell, it’s even worth getting if you’re one of the games journalist sorts. For the first 10-20 issues or so, I was doing games stuff for it. And Quinns and Mathew Kumar too, who I bullied into contributing. Very much written for the non-gamer about games which get pretty much no coverage, we had fun trying to decode the concept of Outsider Games.

Whole thing here. Go gets!

Coilhouse is Hiring! Apply Here.

Coilhouse - 08 Feb 10

Back around the time of Issue 03, we launched the Small Business Advertising Program to create affordable ad space for indie companies in the print version of Coilhouse. By the time Issue 04 rolled around, the number of advertisers had grown significantly – by this time, we had record labels, jewelry and clothing designers, sculptors, other magazines, web hosts, toy makers and graphic designers advertising in our pages. Click here to see them all. With editorial duties taking up more and more of our time as the weeks go by, the moment has come for us to seek help with the advertising side of running the magazine. We’re looking to hire an Ad Manager for our Small Business Advertising Program, starting with Coilhouse Magazine #05… and possibly subsequent issues.

Full details after the jump!


Read the rest of Coilhouse is Hiring! Apply Here.


Post tags: Coilhouse

Untitled Post

blissblog - 08 Feb 10

Untitled Post

blissblog - 08 Feb 10

Untitled Post

blissblog - 08 Feb 10

State of South Carolina Secretary of State Subversive Agent Form

jwz - 08 Feb 10

Check the appropriate box. Do you or your organization directly or indirectly advocate, advise, teach or practice the duty or necessity of controlling, seizing or overthrowing the government of the United States, the state of South Carolina or any political division thereof?
[ ] YES [ ] NO

If yes, please outline the fundamental beliefs. If applicable, attach a copy of the bylaws or minutes of meetings from the last year.

"Inflection Points" Presentation

Open The Future - 08 Feb 10

For those folks who are interested, here's the Slideshare version of the presentation I gave last week at the Earthquake Engineering Research Institute annual meeting. I was asked to talk about foresight thinking, as the event theme was "The Big One of 2056: What Went Right?" a look at a fictional 7.8 quake in the SF region that was handled as well as they could imagine possible.

My goal was to offer a bit of reassurance to the audience that there is some real utility to thinking about the future, and to spell out (in a cursory way) the kinds of big picture issues they should keep in mind while looking ahead forty-six years.

By and large, it was a successful talk. The post-talk questions were engaged, with little push-back, and I'm told that the overall response from the audience was quite positive.

The talk was video recorded, and I'm told will eventually be available to the public. I'll link when that happens.