Okay, THIS Is The Only Thing I’ll Write About Star Wars

June 14th, 2006 | brainjuice

After the other post which shall not be named as it does not exist no really, several people from Hollyweird emailed me with variations on the following story. As one of them said to me, it may well be apocryphal, but it’s too good a story not to tell:

In the weeks after STAR WARS ate the box office alive and made George Lucas instantly richer than God, the man himself could be found in his shiny new offices, stroking the high-tech goods on his beautiful wooden desk. His top-of-the-range intercom system burped, his secretary announcing that she’d received a visitor without an appointment. A Mr Kurosawa.

Lucas leapt up and gushingly welcomed Akira Kurosawa, his cinematic hero, who, as the story has it, was in town to sort out some foreign-rights business.

Kurosawa is ushered into Lucas’ office, placed in a seat opposite him, they sit, and… silence.

And the silence stretches for a minute.

At which point, so the story goes, George Lucas nods once, slowly. Opens the drawer on his beautiful new desk. Extracts his personal chequebook. And, the tale alleges, he drafts an extraordinarily large cheque to the name of A. Kurosawa.

Kurosawa takes the cheque from Lucas’ fingers. They stand, they bow, and Kurosawa leaves, never having said a word the entire time.

Now leave me alone, Internet Ewoks.

32 Responses to “Okay, THIS Is The Only Thing I’ll Write About Star Wars”

  1. I was SO sure that the story was going to end with Kurosawa shooting Lucas underneath the table before tossing a coin to the secretary on the way out. “Sorry ’bout the mess.”

  2. There some truth in it somewhere as I believe Lucas was involved on the money end with Kagemusha.

  3. For those who want to know: http://hem.bredband.net/wookiee/development/

    *shivers*

  4. […] Warrenellis.com » Okay, THIS Is The Only Thing I’ll Write About Star Wars […]

  5. It really is a lovely story. With a story this good, one should be totally unconcerned about whether or not it’s true. Irrelevant!

  6. Lucas is one of the cheapest dudes in Hollywood. That story has a fun ring to it, but honestly, that probably never happened. Add to that that Lucas and Kurosawa actually had a pretty good relationship (apparently) which led to Lucas being the executive producer on Kagemusha.

  7. Excellent.

  8. i want to believe it! in fact i’m going to, simply because i want to.

    hilarious!

  9. […] Wieder auf Warren Ellis’ Blog, wo ihr den Rest lesen solltet. […]

  10. Now that’s a story that can sit on the shelf next to the L Ron Hubbard/Robert Heinlein bar bet story. You know it happened exactly that way simply because nothing else would be as right.

  11. What’s this about a bar bet?

  12. Now only if Warren can somehow work Shatner into the conversation, I can finally ejaculate.

  13. Now, if Warren can only somehow work Shatner into the conversation, I can finally ejaculate.

  14. I can’t remember whether I’ve heard this story before, or it’s just cynicism on my part, but I imagine it’s something along the lines of Fatty Hubbard betting he could make up a religion and get other people to follow it.

    That couldn’t possibly be true, though, could it? :p

  15. […] get away from me get get get […]

  16. Fogbat i think it is true because Harlan Ellison mentions being around at the time
    http://www.islets.net/faq.html#Anchor-Was-47857

  17. Yes! Perfect!

  18. As I heard it, the Heinlein/Hubbard bet was that each one would write a book and see if it could be turned into a real religion.

    I think Heinlein’s attempt was supposed to be STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND, which only succeeded in getting a bunch of computer gurus in the 70’s and 80’s to think “grok” was a sensible word.

  19. I think my soul is about dead now. 1980 take me away!

  20. So neither of them is a member of the Jedi religion - they both worship the almighty dollar. Good on ‘em.

  21. “I think Heinlein’s attempt was supposed to be STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND, which only succeeded in getting a bunch of computer gurus in the 70’s and 80’s to think “grok” was a sensible word.”

    One of them STILL does it.

  22. You’re wrong, Jay, unless you don’t consider CAW a ‘religion.’ Of course, it seemed to me that RH based a lot of ‘Stranger’ on Crowley’s concept of Thelema.

  23. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I’m laughing at you warren. HAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

  24. The Heinlein - Hubbard Wage Myth is just that, a myth. At best it’s based on foggy memories and rumours. I preached it as gospel for years until I actually too the time to check the facts. It’s actually quite surprising how many of these types of stories don’t hold up to even the most gentle scrutiny.

    Feel free to read the details.

  25. Sometimes the story is extended to include Frank Herbert and Arthur C. Clarke being in on the bet as well. But it doesn’t sound like the type of thing Heinlein would have ever pursued seriously in real life; deluding people with a bullshit religion for cash. Neither can the Church of All Worlds in STRANGER be taken as offering anyone a serious model for a religion (although apparently some people did), as it’s based on the premise that psionic powers really exist and can be taught–in other words, on access to a genuine higher power rather than merely having faith in one. Take that away and you’re left with a bunch of goddamn hippies in a wading pool.

  26. Regarding the Hubbard bet story, a number of prominent figures in the circle of early sci-fi fandom (including Theodore Sturgeon) reported hearing Hubbard say some version of “the real money is in religion.” There are several versions of this story, so he may have said it publicly on more than one occasion. (Editor Sam Moskowitz went so far as to issue an affadavit with his version of the quotation, citing the time and place of the incident.) The Heinlein “bar bet” version is doubtful, and even more doubtful are the versions that drag Herbert, Asimov, and Clarke into the mix. (It seems like people are substituting more popular SF writers for the more obscure figures involved in the less anecdote-ready versions of the story.) To my knowledge, the most probable version of the bar bet story involves L. Sprague deCamp. See also…

    http://www.bible.ca/scientology-1million-start-a-religion.htm

  27. According to http://www.skepticfiles.org/skeptic/scient4d.htm it was Joe Haldeman.

  28. This most certainly never happened. This is yet another Urban Ledgend amongst those with to much time on their hands and jealousy in their hearts. This legend originated by the well documented first meeting between Lucas and Kurosawa in the book Droidmaker. Kurosawa saw what was to replace the editing tools of his trade and he was silence throughout the demonstraton until the very end.

  29. […] My Post Anyway, I check his site this morning and find he has posted something just for me: Warren’s Response […]

  30. More Lucas rip-offery is discussed here, complete with references to Cheyenne Autumn, The Searchers and Sword of Sherwood Forest.

  31. Re Church of All Worlds versus Scientology… Yes, but which one would you rather be a member of?

  32. […] Two great (probably) true anecdotes about Star Wars from Warren Ellis. […]

Positive Reinforcement Therapy

Coilhouse - 20 Nov 09

This one goes out to Nadya, Zo, and especially Courtney Riot, our beloved creative director. Hang in there, babies.


Post tags: Coilhouse, Serious Business

?I?m bad? I?m a man? I HATE my penis.?

Coilhouse - 20 Nov 09

Well hello there!

PrimalScreeeeeamEEEEEAAYYYAAGH

Do you lack healthy boundaries? Are you guilty of the compulsive overshare? All-too-eager to share gory, palpating details with complete strangers that no one besides your own mother and/or proctologist would ever want to know?

Non-consensual rape anecdote telling. Tactical uterus hurling in lieu of real intimate contact. The “I wasn’t breast fed enough so now I need to publicly air my personal anguish to feel properly nurtured and validated” power point presentation. “Cry For Help” cutting (across the street, not down the road). Cloaking references to life-shattering trauma in Obfuscating Yet Ominous Faerie Singsong? (patented by Tori Amos). “Fuck You Daddy, I’m a Suicide Girl Now!” blog posts. Spontaneous primal scream therapy in the supermarket. If you have ever attempted one or more of these maneuvers, chance are, you’re a TMI Avenger.

Relax. You’re among friends. And you’re gonna loooove Body Memories. A squirm-inducing, low budget indie film directed by the same fella who brought us one of the most fabulous independent documentaries of the decade, Body Memories is…

…one man’s journey inward to find meaning in his life. He becomes an archeologist of the soul, digging through the layers of his past. Evocative images blend with a riveting performance that uncovers family secrets and buried traumas.

Enjoy.

(More clips under the cut.)


Read the rest of “I’m bad… I’m a man… I HATE my penis.”


Post tags: Crackpot Visionary, Culture, Film, Gender, Sexuality, Silly-looking types, Surreal, Testing your faith

Miss Piggy?s Teaches of Peaches

Coilhouse - 20 Nov 09

Every time an issue of the magazine goes to print, things somehow turn Highly Inappropriate here at Coilhouse. This is apparent to anyone who was there on Twitter during the hours of our final revision deadline last night. And it’s only going to get worse before Issue 04’s out.So to celebrate, a video of Miss Piggy singing “Fuck the Pain Away” by Peaches. It’s that kind of day.

[via Shannon]


Post tags: Madness, Music, Puppetry

claytoncubitt: Will Blanche, ?The Newly Constructed Towers of...

Brian Wood - 20 Nov 09



claytoncubitt:

Will Blanche, ?The Newly Constructed Towers of the World Trade Center Seen From the South Side on West Street, May, 1973? (via These Americans)

See also:Mitch Epstein, ?West Side Highway, New York City? [looking towards World Trade Center] 1977

Percy Jackson trailer

Kung Fu Monkey - 20 Nov 09

Seriously, if I were 12, this would have melted my brain. I love this trailer.

JOURNAL: How to Break and Open Source Insurgency

John Robb - 20 Nov 09

Short Answer:  divide it.

It's long been my contention that Iraq was stabilized at an acceptable level of controlled chaos due to a happy accident by al Qaeda (in an attempt to expand/lead the loose insurgency in a new direction).  What did they do?   They blew up the Golden Mosque in Samara in 2006.  This act of symbolic terrorism did indeed disrupt social networks as anticipated, however the consequences were ultimately disastrous for the Iraqi open source insurgency.  

Baghdad_Ethnic_2007_late_smThe reason for this is it broke the dynamics of the open source insurgency in ways the US and Iraqi government's COIN efforts could not.  First, it created a permanent split between Sunni and Shiite insurgent groups/militias.  Coopetition ended.  Second, it motivated large Shiite militias to start an ethnic cleansing of Sunni areas.  This put acute pressure on Sunni guerrilla groups who were too small (by design to avoid US counter-pressure) to defend themselves against large militias operating in the open.  The result was an opening, very close to the one I described in my 2005 NYTimes OpEd, that allowed the US to convert Sunni guerrilla groups into militias that were not loyal to the central government (in direct contradiction to its COIN manual).   

It's a nice example of the dynamics of many to many conflict, social network disruption, and the development open source counterinsurgency.

See this excellent description at the blog, "Musings on Iraq" for more detail on the ethnic cleansing operations.  It also includes this money quote: "the majority of the Sunni insurgency gave up and switched sides to align with the Americans rather than face annihilation at the hands of the Shiite militias, Al Qaeda in Iraq, or the United States."

NOTE:  it's pretty clear from the above that social network disruption (either through attacks on symbolic targets or blood and guts terrorism) is like playing horseshoes with live hand grenades.  It's ultimately a losing strategy for advancing an open source insurgency.  Social network disruption is very likely to break standing order 6:  don't fork the insurgency.

Twitter Updates for 2009-11-20

Girl Farts - 20 Nov 09

LINKS: 20 NOV 09

John Robb - 20 Nov 09

Some random items of interest:

  • Vigilante militias in Rio are displacing the drug gangs -- favelas under the control of militias has grown from 108 in 2005 to 400 in 2008 (out of 965).  Why?  They have a better (albeit parasitic) conflict/business model than the drug gangs since they act as a substitute for missing public goods/services normally supplied by the government.  First, they provide a minimal level of security and conflict adjudication.  Second, they make more money than the drug gangs by "taxing" everything from propane to cable TV to the gray market.  
  • US gray economy estimated at $1 Trillion (not including criminal, outside of the evasion of taxes and regulation, activities) and growing faster than the "legal" economy.  
  • Proposal and wiki for an open source fabrication lab.
  • Somali pirates are expanding operations into the Indian ocean.  The combination of positive feedback loops (maritime insurance + rapid payoffs by crisis negotiators) and legal ambiguity (the biggest fear of a western navy and governments is that they might arrest a pirate -- prompting a massive/expensive legal tussle with few certain penalties and the forced extension of a visa to the former pirate once he is released from his short incarceration).  Is a franchise model for other locales possible?
  • Yes-we-can-secede
  • A business group in Ciudad Juarez asks for UN peacekeepers.  Hilarious. "Ciudad Juarez, population 1.5 million, has an average of seven homicides a day, with the total at 1,986 for this year through mid-October."
  • Seccession.net.  County based secession effort.  

Untitled Post

blissblog - 20 Nov 09

Yume no Byouin Project

Jean Snow - 20 Nov 09

Yume no Byouin Project

Beautiful (and simple) site design featuring the illustrative work of Yorifuji Bunpei. Via Paul Baron.