Woman Marries Dolphin, “Not A Pervert”

March 9th, 2006 | researchmaterial

British tourist Sharon Tendler has finally made her dream match – by “marrying” a dolphin she has been visiting for 15 years in the Israeli resort of Eilat, the mass-circulation Yediot Ahronot daily reported today.

Tendler, 41, has been visiting the city on the Gulf of Aqaba two or three times a year to spend time with her 35-year-old underwater sweetheart. “The peace and tranquility under water, and his love, would calm me down,” the Israeli daily quoted her as saying.

Last week Tendler finally plucked up the courage to ask the dolphin’s trainer for the mammal’s fin in marriage.

The wedding took place Wednesday, with the bride, wearing a white dress and watched by amazed spectators, walking down the dock to where the groom was waiting in the water.

She kissed him, to the cheers of the spectators and then, after the ceremony was sealed with some mackerels, was tossed into the water so she could swim away with her new husband.

“I’m the happiest girl on earth,” the bride was quoted as saying. “I made a dream come true. And I am not a pervert.”

(Here’s a guide to how to fuck dolphins.)


28 Responses to “Woman Marries Dolphin, “Not A Pervert””

  1. Oh lord. I haven’t seen the guide to fucking dolphins in YEARS. I’d almost forgotten about it.

    … sorta wish I had.

  2. Dolphins, fah!

    For a real interspecies boffing challenge, you go after a spotted hyena:

    http://nationalzoo.si.edu/Publications/ZooGoer/1995/3/sexandthespottedhyena.cfm

    First step: How to tell male from female without getting your face chewed off.

  3. Where the FUCK did you find that “how to” guide?

    Why were you looking? ;)
    What was the search string, “dolphin sex”?

    What knid of person reacts with “Hmm, more please!” when a dolphin “grabs their foot with its genital slit.”?

    That is simultaneously the most intriguing and disturbing thing I think I have ever seen.

  4. My brain broke….
    I didn’t think it was possible but.. it’s broke..
    Damn you!! *shakes fist*
    I need to go fix it now.. where did I put the lobotomy kit?!?! Gaaaa!

  5. no manual illustrations? tis a shame.

  6. “…to avoid the bustle tourists, I usually visit the dolphins at night, illegally I must add, since I am considered to be trespassing. But it is the only time I do not have to be distracted by tourists or the staff. I do not expect to have sex with the dolphins every time I visit them; I am not that sort of person.”

    Oh, well, that’s alright then, ‘Dragon-wolfe Dolphinn’.

    What I want to know, right, is when will the hordes of chimeric Huphins and Dolphmen rise from the oceans to conquer the land and take our women?

    (They’re all going to be descended from that fine specimen of humanity, too.)

  7. Also, a general rule of thumb: if you find yourself saying things like ‘I am not a pervert’ on any sort of regular basis, then, all things considered, when all’s said and done, you probably are. And you know it.

  8. Every time I think that every last bit of my innocence has died screaming, the internet raises the bar. That dolphin-screwing guide was truly surreal.

  9. Well… talking of strange, round about ways of finding stuff… my old website had the search term ‘gay milk penis’ thrown my way as a link to a page about a comedy touring show. Who searches for Gay Milk Penis?

  10. Gah!

    (I mean, really… is there anything else to say about that?)

    For those who don’t know…Southend is on the coast…

  11. I wonder if ‘Dragon-wolfe Dolphinn’ survived the fact-gathering phase of composing his wolf- and dragon- screwing guides.

  12. “I’m the happiest girl on earth,” the bride was quoted as saying. “I made a dream come true. And I am not a pervert.”

    No, you’re an idiot. There’s a difference.

  13. Wasn’t it exactly this sort of thing that President Bush was against in his state of the union when he started ranting about the human/animal hybrids?
    Fucking furries, I suppose. Literally.

  14. http://drudgesiren.blogspot.com/2005/12/slow-news-week.html

    Bangkok Post has a weird definition of “breaking.”

  15. I like to think that dolphins have a sort of Internet of high-pitched squeals and clicks on which one of the now (in)famous three has posted a “Sex with Humans – How to” guide. And then I hope that a whole bunch of dolphins are squealing and clicking about how pervy that one is.

    I also like to think that the dolphin Internet contains an article about the human dolphin-bride entitled, “Nice Try, You Finless Tard.” In it, the dolphin groom tries his damndest to remember what he was drinking the night he met her.

  16. Has anybody seen the Robin Williams bit where he talks about how Coco the sign language-using gorilla tried to have sex with him when he visited her?

  17. Well… talking of strange, round about ways of finding stuff… my old website had the search term ‘gay milk penis’ thrown my way as a link to a page about a comedy touring show. Who searches for Gay Milk Penis?

    Tell me about it. You can’t find anything good until the third page.

  18. “When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him.”

    What the FUCK?!

    How the hell…!? Who would wanna…!? Tell me this is a joke…

  19. Dolphind Blahhh….thats nothing. When I get married I’m going to find myself a bigg-assed elephant from Africa. Now beat that Sharon

  20. There’s a whole series of “How to…” for human/animal copulation.
    There’s one for necrophiliacs too. I can’t access the site, because my universitys server reads the content as “adult” (It censores newgrounds.com too), but I vividly remember the most important thing there was Condoms and Lubricant.

  21. I really can’t believe this is news to all you people. specially on this site. Why, that guide (or an analogue) must have been one of the first things I searched… I mean, stumbled on while ‘surfing the world wide web’, aeons ago. Not that bestiality can be considered ‘normal’ or even consensual, but I can think of a lot many other mind-blowing things that I’ve encountered on the net.

  22. Way back in the Dawn Times, when “being on the Internet” meant reading email and subscribing to newsgroups, and most likely meant you were a grad student or painfully introverted UNIX admin, it was common to subscribe to great swathes of the alt.sex.* USENET hierarchy.

    Part of this was for cover. If you had a bunch of wierd stuff in you sub list, you’d look like a curious dilletante and no one would know you secretly spent hours browsing through alt.sex.spanking.clowns.

    Part of it was sheer entertainment. Reading FAQs from bizarro newsgroups (not just the alt.sex stuff) was a lot more fun than, say, reading through 100 posts on the Enterprise vs. Battlestar Galactica debate over on rec.arts.sf.

  23. In related news, a Sudanese man was forced to marry a goat after getting caught having sex with it.

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/4748292.stm

    The real world really is more fucked up than just about any fiction you care to name.

  24. Yeah, but fiction can be funny without black humor.

  25. So did the Dolphin not get a say in the issue then?

  26. Dolphin sex videos:
    http://www.4shared.com/dir/47028/cb3dfed2/sharing.html

  27. how do u fuck?

  28. you’re fucking sick you disgusting piece of shit…that is probably the grossest and weirdest thing i have ever heard of go drown