Twitter: A Tea Strainer For A Brewed Brain

November 30th, 2010 | brainjuice

For a while, I had a capture of my twitter feed running here. It ended up doing something weird to my API calls, stopping me from running my desktop client, so I killed it. Which is probably just as well, as I talk a lot of shit on Twitter. It’s basically mental slurry, the wet lumpy bits from a day spent at the keyboard vented off into a trap so the buildup doesn’t blow some crucial valve in my head. Look at these, from the last month:

* “BBC: Package is not a bomb but is “potentially sinister.”” “Potentially sinister” describes half the people I know.

* Good morning. There is no god, no-one really loves anyone and you’re going to die soon. Have a great Thursday.

* What? I bring joy to the world. I am filled with mirth and sunlight. Also, I am Batman.

* Spent last 3 hrs un-virusing Lili’s laptop & explaining that if I catch her using IE again I will confiscate her arms.

* This halloween I am going out dressed as the man who turned all the children who knocked at his door into a skin cloak

* @RobertKirkman If you want a damned good thrashing for being a language-mangling colonial oik, then, certainly, my good man. (takes snuff)

(The above appears to be in response to Robert Kirkman asking if he can call me “dude.”)

* (I’m allowed to make up words like “hauntophonic.” I have awards.)

* I kind of love that there’s a designer called Helmut Stab.

* Ah. NASA believe they may have found a young black hole relatively locally. That’ll be where my fucking socks are, then.

* Home. Switching feeds on. Atomic batteries to power, turbines to speed, etc. (slumps in chair, twitches weakly)

* it seems this bottle of dark mead makes me mighty like Mind Viking and yet easily confused like… easily confused thing

* keeping mealtimes interesting for a teenage daughter: waving a machete while intoning “THE EMBACONING COMMENCES”

* Hoping I get to fly to America again soon. The TSA Grope sounds like the sort of thing I’d usually have to pay for.

* Half the joy, sometimes, is in putting together people from disparate but creative fields and seeing what happens.

* The other half of the joy, of course, was spitting in all their drinks while they weren’t looking. Off to forage for food now.

* Weaving, bescarfed fop on borisbike, I WILL instruct this cab driver to run you the fuck down

* Limehouse, you are still a toilet with roadsigns

* I am shocked to discover at this late date, that “Into The Valley” actually had lyrics aside from “Into the valley.”

* You know, I have this feeling that I’m STILL not going to get a parang for Xmas. I just don’t understand why.

* Also, @Templesmith has convinced me that I need a chariot. That’s not asking much, is it? A chariot and a parang.

* @Templesmith give us a rendition of “Sun Arise” then paint Uluru using only pigments derived from your own body fluids

* @Templesmith wugga wugga kin ya tell what it is yet YES IT’S A FUCKING SQUID tie me cephalopod down sport

* @Templesmith I just wrote you an entire variety show in like a single twoot. We should call our agent.

* Sarah Palin’s going to visit you in your dreams wearing a fresh bearskin and a wooden strap-on, you mark my words.

* People need to stop blaming me for the weather. It’s not like I’m some kind of grumpy northern ice god. No, really.

* The official Kremlin advent calendar is a 25-photo sequence of Vladimir Putin shagging a bear and making the bear like it.

* see me spread joy across the internets like aerosolised rabbit semen

* Pre-dawn glow outside at 11pm: snow on the ground, snow in the sky, all reflecting streetlights, everything stained amber.

* this is going to be like that time when Joss Whedon tried to make me drink his spit, I just know it


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  1. You can find Warren on Twitter: @warrenellis