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  1. No such thing as an EX-Masturbator. Just liars and those in waiting.

  2. Where do I get a Chronic Masturbator t-shirt? All ready with the Top Gun voices now, “I feel the urge – the urge to purge!”

  3. Sean Craven Sean Craven

    Those people are pussies. Thanks to the beauty of Christ’s love I no longer shit.

  4. Because the photo is of a couple, my first thought was that they were telling the world they shag like priests at a boys’ school and didn’t need to masturbate anymore. I’d be jealous, but supportive of that message.

    Poor, poor fools.

  5. How many seconds do you estimate it will be between the time these shirts hit the street and we start seeing “EX-christian” and “EX-fundie” shirts. The “Ex-hypocrate” and “EX-slave” shirts will do double duty, though.

  6. I’m getting a strong “Photoshopped” vibe from that picture, and now the website is down.

  7. AllMadHere AllMadHere

    Why do i see the Ex-Slave shirt coming with optional whip?

  8. What does it say on the back?
    “… since I discovered SODOMY!”
    “… but you would NOT believe the dreams I’ve been having!”
    “… and yes, they feel like a pair of lead weights.”
    “… I believe it’s healing over now.”
    “… wait, fleshlights don’t count, right? How about fruit?”
    “… but once the blisters on my palm heal, I’M BACK BABY!”
    “… and I swear, one of us is going to kill the other one before the day is out.”

    Also, can I get one that says “Masturbator, but working on it. Real hard.”

    The human hand reaches the human genitals perfectly. Often on the same human. Whether you believe in God, evolution or genetic engineering, This Is Not An Accident.

  9. Dude, I quite masturbating, like, 5 times a day. Where’s my t-shirt?

  10. Deliver us from downloading tentacle porn every night, O Lord!

  11. Joe J… I’m hoping it’s in the laudry, at that rate…

  12. s/quite/quit/

    Feh. Typos ruin humor.

  13. Mike Mike


    I knew they looked familiar! I just watched like the first 20 seconds of that video yesterday too.

  14. shorty shorty

    Try commenting on that video with any kind of rational response. I have done so several times and none have been put on as a comment.

  15. they have sex together to calm their urges

  16. tjs tjs

    The world is crying out for an EX-EX-EX Masturbator t-shirt.

  17. David David

    I think the back should say, “Thanks”

  18. Bucks Bucks

    The doc says it’s going to take anywhere from four to six weeks for my carpel tunnels to heal.

  19. adHominem adHominem

    You know, it’s tempting to rub one out while looking at their picture, just out of spite.

  20. Brad Tuttle Brad Tuttle

    Its a toothpaste ad for spree killers.

  21. What?
    No Ex-Motherfucker or Ex-Animal Sodomite shirts? What about Ex-Terminator shirt?

  22. Geralex Geralex

    If only there were an equivalent for married folks

    “I am now a Fucker”

  23. Now I want to make an “Ex-Virgin” shirt.

    In child sizes.

  24. Crash Crash

    For those going the marginally more realistic abstinence route, how about a “Jackin’ for Jesus” clothing line?

  25. “Ex” is short for excessive.

  26. Ken Ken

    Matthew 6:16-18 declares, “When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show men they are fasting. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face, so that it will not be obvious to men that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

    So, who exactly ARE these shirts for?

  27. The guy’s suffering from withdrawal… he’s all jittery, his hand has some motion blur

  28. “to bring glory to the lord, I’m willing to do anything” and make a living off of it, fucking assholes.
    Hell, they made an ex-homosexual shirt?!
    isn’t it completely contradictory to call all sexual sin an act against god? While it’s “God’s gift to man”, but only after the man made church based religions approve of it during a soulless ceremony?
    and now they’ll go to heaven having brought glory to god? goodness gracious by how many miles are they off it, Christianity killed norse culture and life. the womans worth was shoved from being the owner of the house, to being owned alongside the house.
    now what I find interesting is that nobody is asking: what kind of fucking society is this where it supports both life and projects of these kinds of people? if we could somehow get all the bodyguards in the world to turn around and shoot the banker or politician they’re protecting we’d be better off. Deliver some sort of whiff of realization that’s it’s that fucking easy, just shoot the damned bankers.

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