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  1. Ed Fortune Ed Fortune

    Is there a petition to double the sentence?

  2. “I provide pleasure to the world because I have such a beautiful ass!”

  3. Julianna Julianna

    Hearing about the petition this morning has brightened my whole day. I get little shivers of awe at the absurdity whenever I think of it. Paris Hilton thinks I need her.

  4. i guess they like the idea of Schwarzenegger pardoning her. If he does he can forget getting re-elected. I hope she gets gang raped in the shower.

  5. funny enough, more people hate her. the website started a petition against the petition. more people have signed that than paris’ real petition. 21k against and only 14k for.

  6. Gideon Stargrave Gideon Stargrave

    I’m a false icon! The media collaborate in promoting my superficial lifestyle as somehow more valid, more worthy of attention than your real lives! You’re more interested in my shoesize or who I’m shagging this week than you are in the infection of the bovine spongiform encephalitis that’s turning your old dad’s brains to travel soap!

  7. Mike B Mike B

    Yes, my life is so mundane that I need some skinny little twat getting drunk and showing her tits to bring meaning to my existence.

    That and a rusty nail deep in the balls.

    I would make sweet love to the judge if he took said petition and burned it right in the middle of the courtroom.

  8. Daniel Burk Daniel Burk

    She provides hope to millions of young people with aspirations of someday meeting a rich coke addict who’ll suck their dicks on camera.

  9. zerone! zerone!

    Yeah…..45 days is bullshit. Any other American pulled over with a BAC that high would receive a DUI and would immediately go to jail, do not pass go.

    I went to jail for 75 days over a small amount mushrooms, and I wasn’t even driving. I don’t know, unless I went Viking Berserker I don’t think I’d be mowing down pedestrians in my Lotus.

    America’s justice system is whacked, the rich get off easy and the poor are punished entirely too much.

  10. Someone just tell her there will be camera’s in the jail. She will sign up to go then.

  11. Yaknow, that’s not such a bad idea. “Paris Prison TV” would be a great money making opportunity. Make it a Pay Per View event.

  12. Daniel Burk Daniel Burk

    They should sign her to a five year contract.

  13. Marc Manzo Marc Manzo

    Does anyone remember Adabisi from Oz? Oh wait, there’s some of that rape humor!

  14. monopole monopole

    Amen! We need a petition to express the beauty and excitement (of the chained heat variety) to our otherwise mundane lives which will arise when Paris is doing hard time.

  15. Val A Lindsay II Val A Lindsay II

    Richard Pryor said being on fire is ispirational. I surely would be inspired if we burned her…

  16. Makes it very easy on The Simple Life crew – just set up a camera in her cell and walk away for coffee…and lunch…and dinner.

  17. Isn’t it great how excited people are about her going to jail? Way to be a revolutionary. Way to take a stand for civilized culture on. There’s nothing people love in the western world (hell, probably the whole world) get off on more than seeing a good looking girl get treated like shit. Somebody in this comment section is already talking about how they want to see her gang raped (because apparently regular rape isn’t enough). “That’ll teach her to be good looking! That’ll teach her to like sex! Take it slut!” Terrorism? Poverty? That’s not important. Why think about anything important happening in the world when you can just blame all society’s problems on some blond girl who likes to drink? Paris Hilton gets 24 hour-a-day news coverage on the same channels that are supposed to be covering the actual news in the world, like say war or corruption or child prostitution, for no other reason than to get people to jerk off to the shame-porn that is modern entertainment news. It’s to distract people from thinking about what their actual problems. And the people love it. Everybody loves hating Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, but as soon as any pictures or videos get on the internet of any of them showing even a little skin it’s front page news no matter what else is happening, and the whole world reaches for the lube. Huge multinationals like GE (owners of NBC) and AOL/TIME/WARNER have a multibillion dollar industry dedicated to sticking cameras up these young girls dresses, but does anybody complain about the multinationals? The ones who run the sick porn show? No. Of course not. That’d require people to think about what’s going on behind the camera, which would take up precious brain space that could otherwise be dedicated to coming up with images of girls crying to use as masturbation material, so clearly nobody wants to do that.

    So, for all the people who like to feel righteous by telling yourself how much better you are than these drunk celebrity girls barely out of high school, could somebody please explain how cheering for the impending abuse and possible rape of Paris Hilton (if you don’t think abuse happens in women’s prisons too you’re crazy) is any different from watching one of those porn videos that are all about making the girls cry? Or from watching a woman get abused right in front of you? People abuse women because they feel weak, useless, and helpless, and finding somebody weaker or more helpless makes them feel in control, like they’re doing something with their life. What the fuck does it say about us as a culture that we have to do it on such a large scale? Is it better that our society has managed to focus it’s hate lust down to just a small handful of girls? Or worse?

    Who cares what kind of petition she came up with, or what her reason is for not wanting to go to jail? What kind of insane person wouldn’t do everything they possibly could to get out of jail. The reasons she put on there do crack me up, but still. . .

  18. Jay Jay

    Feel better, up there on your high horse?

    This post is highlighting the exact absurdity you’re whinging about: that there are people who care more about what happens to a shallow, self-centered blonde girl than the very real problems in this world.

    Frankly, I don’t care one whit about Paris Hilton and whether she goes to jail or not. Between the people behind this petition and the morons who were on a hunger strike until Sanjaya got voted off of American Idol, I’ve had my fill of the idiocracy for a good long while.

  19. Uh, Dean, chill…
    I think the enthusiam is partly due to the fact, that wealthy, famous, self destructive white folk rarely have to pay a price for their stupidity.
    The other part of the posting would be, instead of plea bargaining, appealling, or just out right admitting that she’s stupid and out of control and needs discipline not prison – she cites HERSELF as a role model for youth.
    Which is offensive, and well if there’s a hint of truth to it at all – then yes I do hope she accidentally goes to a male prison, general population and the youth of america that is inspired by her gets to watch closely and be uninspired quick.

    BTW – have we forgotten there’s a WAR going on…

  20. optical optical

    Meh. Just promotion for his next TV show.

    Wake me when Phil Spector is sentenced to the chair.

  21. Jay– I’m on a high horse because I disagree with “I hope she gets gang raped in the shower”? That’s a fucked up thing to say. It doesn’t really take somebody on a high horse to respond to it. Maybe I was a bit heavy on the sarcasm, but I think rape-guy’s feelings will be okay.

    Oh wait, I see what I did. It was meant to be a response to that guy specifically, not Warren Ellis’s post. I should have quoted him at the beginning of the post.

  22. Actually, looking back at my post again — Shit! That does come off crazy! No more adreneline typing, I apologize! I do think that humanity has a major fetish for hating women, and the the main stream media has picked up on this and loves using it to distract us/entertain us/ get us off, but that’s a long argument and the rape thing got me too angry and anxious to hit post.

  23. Toriko Toriko

    Dear Paris,

    On behalf of all the mundane people in the world, get fucked…
    … but not on tape again, please.


    The internet

  24. Paul Paul

    If we get her to say “let them eat cake”, can we have a revolution?
    Because you know that live celebrity guillotining from Madison Square Garden would be a ratings hit.

  25. The Inadvertant Mr. Raincloud The Inadvertant Mr. Raincloud

    I stopped in Leakesville, Mississippi not too long ago, passing through the state, and I wound up in a local cemetery. Weird thing is, one of the plots kept pulsating, the earth doing this strange bobbing motion, just constantly up-and-down. You know what it was?

  26. zerone! zerone!

    To Rev. Bob,
    Jail is not prison. There are major differences. County jail does still suck to be in, but it’s a totally different environment. There’s no rape in county jail, no prison hooch, blocks are generally smaller. Guards are Sheriff’s Deputies and are usually pretty vigilant seeing as their jailhouse performance affects how long it’s going to take them to get into a police car. If you’re lucky, you’ll be in a block where you get your own little room, that you can stay in all day if you like.
    Also, “she’s stupid and out of control and needs discipline not prison” – well, jail is a pretty effective form of discipline. You think daddy’s going to spank her? Let Uncle Sam bend her over his knee. When you go to jail it’s like fuck, I can’t get out, I am totally powerless here. Discipline rules, from the Deputies down to the unspoken criminal codes. She’ll learn her place, and maybe come out a better person. I know I did.

  27. RMC RMC

    So that’s how she wills herself out of bed in the morning. Will wonders never cease?


  28. Joe Joe

    seems like what you are saying about doktor sleepless is so true lies and falsehood sell.

  29. Daniel Burk Daniel Burk

    Don’t know about you Zerone, but I’m from the East Bay. And trust me. There’s a whole lot of rape going on in county jails in this state.

  30. so is the death penalty off the table?

  31. It just proves truly how stupid she is. Moronic even. It makes all idiots look scholarly in comparison. I am sure she will regret EVERY minute of her jail time. But without consequences how would she ever learn? Now we just have to get her busted on drugs, so she can never come over here again…

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