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How Many Things Do You See Wrong With This Statement?

From a transcript of an American PBS news magazine that Cliff sent over to me:

PBS REPORTER FRED DE SAM LAZARO: (South Dakota Senator Bill) Napoli says most abortions are performed for what he calls “convenience.” He insists that exceptions can be made for rape or incest under the provision that protects the mother’s life. I asked him for a scenario in which an exception may be invoked.

SENATOR BILL NAPOLI: A real-life description to me would be a rape victim, brutally raped, savaged. The girl was a virgin. She was religious. She planned on saving her virginity until she was married. She was brutalized and raped, sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it, and is impregnated. I mean, that girl could be so messed up, physically and psychologically, that carrying that child could very well threaten her life.

(So there you go. If you’re a committed Christian virgin saving your cherry for some fumbling mong who thinks a clitoris is a border plant and who then gets beaten to within an inch of her life and then impregnated rectally, Bill Napoli will abort you himself.)

Published in researchmaterial


  1. Camilla Camilla

    Is it just me or did Napoli actually *relish* giving that description??


  2. Jasper Jasper

    “sodomized as bad as you can possibly make it”

    Clearly there is a chart, and if you didn’t score high enough on the “Bleeding Arshole” section, you’re keepin’ that there baby!

  3. Napoli was clearly drooling.

  4. Well. We were all worried about this law for nothing, I see.

  5. Can we get a legal definition for “as bad as you can possibly make it” as I’m pretty sure he’s given it enough thought to provide us with a “quality of rape” chart…

  6. jboissy jboissy

    Analy impregnation is how get dipshits like Napoli!!

  7. The new state motto – “Welcome to South Dakota, where we’re still not sure how you make kids. But don’t do it unless you’re gonna keep it!”

  8. Peaked Peaked

    I wonder how this interview was performed. If this was a face to face interview, or at least over the phone, and Napoli came up with that on the spot, he must be one fucked up individual. On the other hand, the alternative is that he thought that case up beforehand. . .

  9. Luke Luke

    I love the fact, in addition to everything else that’s wrong with his statements that’s been mentioned, that even if this young virgin is sodimized as bad as can be envisioned and she was saving herself for marrige, that’s not enough unless she’s deeply religious. Otherwise whe wouldn’t even be a person right?

  10. “Brutally raped” — as opposed to the mild variety. -AW

  11. Beaton Beaton

    “…and…and she’s BLONDE…with pretty little feet…and while she’s technically my neice, I mean — God, just LOOK at her! I-I have a picture. So pure…so…pure…”

  12. I saw this interview and it was conducted in person in what looked like the rotunda of the state house. Sadly, I think both scary scenarios are true, Napoli did come up with this bizarre scenario on the spot, however it didn’t look like it was the first time he’d answered a similar question in this way. What I’m trying to say is the man did not misspeak, he thought this through with a detail and lack of basic reason that would give any sensible person a case of The Big Fear.

  13. Ugh. I’m so disgusted.

    There are times when I think to myself: Why am I writing fiction when the world clearly needs some very simple issues set to right?

    There’s no answer for that, for me.

    Someday I’m just going to disappear.

  14. Denyer Denyer

    “Someday I’m just going to disappear.”

    Changing things is harder but more rewarding. And when we run out of fight, time to hand the baton on to someone else.

  15. Adam Adam

    can we just turn our government over to Satan, please? and just end any pretense that these elected fucks are doing any kind of decent work…

  16. Citybeatnik Citybeatnik

    I can’t stop cackling at Beaton’s add on to that… does that make me a terrible person?

  17. I find it funny that he specifies that she’s religious. So any aethist women who find themselves sodomized and impregnated because of it, that’s because his God hates you, and you deserve it.


  18. Jay Jay

    This is from the same medical discipline that allowed Dr. Bill Frist to diagnose Terri Schiavo (something that was completely outside of his specialty) by fucking watching a videotape of her behavior.

    Why do these repressive fucks think they have the right to make medical decisions for others?

  19. Ben Ben

    Can you imagine a judge denying a woman her abortion because she wasn’t sodomized hard enough? I can.

    I wonder: If you said you’d kill yourself unless you were allowed to have an abortion, would that fit the letter of the law sufficiently to constitute a threat to the mother’s life?

  20. Johnny Anarchy Johnny Anarchy

    “Hi! Welcome to South Dakota Planned Parenthood! Have you been to church in the last week? Good! Do you believe Jesus Christ is the one true Lord and Savior? Hmmm…please keep in mind if you are Muslim, Jewish, Buddhist, or any other religion you are not eligible for a South Dakotan Most Holy Fetus Martyrdom. OK, good you are a Christian! Are you a virgin? Hmm, yes, I understand it will be hard to prove whether you actually were beforehand but, ok, can you swear on this bible? Wonderful. Now…did it really, truly hurt when you were tied up, beaten, and raped? Are your regretful for no doubt letting this occur? Was it within an inch of your life? And you ARE christian right? Wonderful! You are eligible!”

    Where are the aliens from fucking V when you need them?

  21. Is it wrong to hope that this moron gives birth after being brutally raped up the ass? Besides that it would mean somebody would have to touch him first? I’m mean clearly a god-fearing man such as himself couldn’t have got the facts of reproduction actually wrong, could he? No? So surely he should volunteer to be the first to prove that somebody could carry their rapist’s baby fully to term without endangering their health? And maybe he could help us come up with a definition of brutal sodomy?

    I suggest we start with the cucumbers, and work our way up to the spiky horse dildoes…

  22. Dave Dave


    we all need to hear those sort of descriptions.

    we all need to know the exact procedure in which this shit happens.

    Napoli spent DAYS writing that.

    furiously masturbating in the bushes behind his neice’s house.


    Let’s she how he feels when that happens to him.

  23. Jasper Jasper

    And the race is on to see who can rape a member of Bill Napoli’s immediate family first!

    Obviously, they’re going to have to hire a burly team of eunuch RapeGuards who carry tazers and blowguns with saltpeter darts.

  24. Phanfasm Phanfasm

    I heard this on the radio and I thought it was the creepiest, most disturbing thing I’ve ever heard come out of a fundamentalist’s mouth.

    Can you hear the fantasy in Napoli’s voice? He really, really got into that whole idea of the brutalized, violated virgin being the only possible situation where abortion could be legal. To my mind completely revealed his true self in that statement. He is so driven by his repressed inner demons, it’s not enough that he has to repress himself, he has sought ways to repress everyone around him by force of law.

    Some friends of mine just moved to New Zealand. I hear shit like this and I want to join them. But then, I like a righteous fight, and I love the things that the U.S. USED to stand for. Can we take back this country? It’s certanly easy to huddle in the ‘safety’ of San Francisco’s wonderful concious communities. But am I paranoid when I imagine the christian jackbooted thugs will eventually come for even us?

  25. Fred Seton Fred Seton

    Adam Webb has a point in his comment.
    As if there are varying degrees…

    “Hi, my name is Frederick and I’ll be your rapist this evening. Can I start you off with something to drink?”

    There is a very wrong comedy skit in here somewhere…

    And of course there is a degree of fantasy in Napoli’s voice. Because in the twisted holocaust he calls a brain, only whores have abortions. And what are all these fundamentalist, bible-thwacking, twit-dicks inexorably drawn to? Whores.
    (And whores are for fucking, never helping.)
    So when asked to imagine a scenario in which an abortion would not be condemned of course he gets all Christabel. Except this time Geraldine is black (a good guess), a man, and equipped with fourteen inches of God-shaming manmeat that has discharge capable of puncturing intestinal tissue and burrowing directly to egg.
    In other words, abortion is okay only if you were raped by a monster from Id Software’s DOOM.

    This is why liberals need BFGs.

  26. Pilitus Pilitus

    Warren, honest question from an American: Is the rest of the world laughing at us?
    How hard?

  27. Mikki Mikki

    Pilitus, speaking as a European, at least up here we stopped laughing a good while back… unless you count nervous giggling when somebody upchucks something new and horrible, of course.

    I know enough perfectly cool Americans to realize that what a disgusting vaguely human-shaped turd like Senator Napoli over there does and says does not reflect the opinions of every American (or even the majority of Americans), but I’d be a lying motherfucker if I said that it was easy to keep that in mind at all times.

  28. Pilitus, we’re not laughing.

    We’re sodding terrified.

    We just can’t decide whether we’re terrified of you or for you.

  29. Sean Sean

    You can’t be a little bit pregnant, but you can, apparently, be a little bit raped and sodomized.

  30. Mikki and Rachel have it down. It went beyond laughter a while back.

  31. Matt Matt

    The way that he described rape makes me ill, not because of the weird, crazyness but because it hints that he has actually done that.

  32. There are in fact a few more criterias.
    The Bible states clearly that if a betrothed virgin is raped inside the city walls, and DOES NOT CRY OUT FOR HELP, then she is a fornicator and is to be stoned.(If she is not bethrothed (sp?), the rapist may offer to marry her, thuereby sparing her from stoning.)
    Thus, not Rape, and no Abortion.

    But to avoid the whole sordid mess, take some advice from
    And Ask Dr Frist.

  33. livebackwards livebackwards

    Holy Christ. Who decides what exactly is “as bad as you can possibly make it”?

    I vote for Clive Barker.

  34. Ben Ben

    Hi Warren,

    You are aware that Bill Napoli is a South Dakota State Senator, and not a U.S. Senator, right? There’s a big difference, and your column at the Pulse has it wrong.


  35. Jasper Jasper

    Thanks for stopping in to say “you’re wrong” without giving us the right answer, Ben. So what is the difference?

  36. “You are aware that Bill Napoli is a South Dakota State Senator, and not a U.S. Senator, right? There’s a big difference, and your column at the Pulse has it wrong.”

    Shorthand. He’s a Senator, and he’s in the US. You know there are places other than America, right?

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