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England vs USA on Twitter

*  Gah. England vs US game not being videostreamed anywhere I can find. #eng #nationalisticbollocks #yankbeating #fail

* Found a stream, just in time.


* Rooney pauses at the touchline to sniff the air, make fire with sticks #eng

* get up you poof he only kicked you in the lung

* England apologises for fielding a goalkeeper who quite clearly took rather a lot of heroin before the match commenced.

* Dangerous tackle, my arse. In Millwall they call that "foreplay."

* Ah. The England team appear to have gotten drunk during half-time.

* Rooney confused by round thing flying through air. It am not bird. Maybe still good to eat? Rooney try to kill with head.

* I wish to assure our American friends that, for this performance, the England team will in fact be executed.

* Jesus. That was like watching two dozen fraggles wrestling in a pit of molasses.

Published in brainjuice


  1. Anonymous Anonymous

    The Special Relationship endures. America and England: Partners In Incompetence. Coming soon to a third world near you.

  2. Penanceangel Penanceangel

    Draw, bitches!

  3. Louie Huwie Louie Huwie

    “Get up you poof, he only kicked you in the lung!” was the most entertaining part of my evening

  4. saschaogura saschaogura

    At least your keeper planned ahead and sold heroin to all of our defenders.

  5. It was kind of an ugly match. An early goal because us Americans never start a match till the 10th minute and a unremarkable goal because everyone in England wants to be a striker and not a goalie.

    I say put in Calamity James next match. At least when he fucks up it’s hilarious.

  6. Dan Dan

    Mr Ellis, you should do the alternative commentary on all England matches. It would make working behind the bar I work in much more enjoyable…

  7. Coleman Coleman

    Today’s Germany v Australia game was muuuch more interesting, honestly. Aussies playing dirty and the Germans rolling over their asses anyway.

  8. kidcharlemagne kidcharlemagne

    funny that Heskey was Englands best player, shockin stuff from the team that apparently has a ‘great chance.’ Get out of the group without a playmaker first and we’ll see. That said, I’m fuckin delighted with the French result. Cheatin fuckers

  9. Lebowski Lebowski

    Hilarious. Pretty please do it again!

  10. Ian Ian

    I see a new World Cup slogan: “FIFA WORLD CUP 2011 — It’s like watching two dozen fraggles wrestling in a pit of molasses!” Hey, it’s bound to get more traction in the United States with that description.

    …actually, if we could replace the entire game with an hour-long molasses-wrestling fraggle-fest, it would probably be more interesting to watch. I’m totally imagining it WITH the puppeteers, by the way.

  11. jesus of nazareth jesus of nazareth

    thx for confession. all forgiven. honestly wish the teams meet again in knockout so you can get this right next time. –j.

  12. Kidcharlemagne Kidcharlemagne

    nah, come on, it’d be a better result for England to get knocked out early rather than scrape through and get either thrashed by the Spanish or beaten on penalties again! At least if the saxons get sent home early with their tails between their legs, they might consider that maybe they just aren’t that good

  13. “That was like watching two dozen fraggles wrestling in a pit of molasses.”

    I knew a guy in college who would have been turned on by the thought of that.

  14. XP XP

    @Ian: The World Cup is every four years. No need for yanks to watch, just leave it to the rest of the world.

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