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Dan Curtis Johnson On His Plan To Escape Sudden Murder Attempts

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“This is my plan: If, someday, some giant murderous dude has picked me up completely off the ground by my throat and is strangling the life out of me, instead of fighting him I’m just going to get my pants off and start masturbating furiously. Because, if I’m gonna die anyway, that whole Michael Hutchence suffocation-orgasm thing is supposed to be pretty amazing and maybe– just MAYBE– the giant murderous dude will be freaked out enough to let go of me and I can get the hell away.

“With no pants on, sure, but you take what you can get.”

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  1. Aim for his eyes!

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