I am really fucking busy and do not have time to think about this. So here I am doing it anyway.
Tabbloid: you put an RSS feed into it. Every day, at a time you select, it’ll wrap whatever’s been on that RSS feed into a PDF and mail it to you for printing off.
I tested it with the New Scientist News RSS, and got eight pages’ worth. And New Scientist only puts headlines and ledes in its RSS.
If you’ve got the magic fingers to roll your own custom RSS feeds using Yahoo! Pipes or something, I imagine you could get Tabbloid to spit you out a useful single sheet of paper. This is partway to something usefully Papernetty, I think. You might find uses for it in any case. Take a look at it, you can shove any number of RSS feeds into it.