In Three Years’ Time People In LA Will Be Having Sex With Real Dolls Made Out Of Cancer

February 6th, 2009 | people I know

A "living doll" made from human liver cancer cells could allow new drugs to be tested in conditions closer to those inside the body.

I mean, we might as well just kill ourselves now. Because everyone knows that medical need doesn’t drive new technology — porn does. You know what’s going to happen.


27 Responses to “In Three Years’ Time People In LA Will Be Having Sex With Real Dolls Made Out Of Cancer”

  1. Some days I really hate how blogs exist.

  2. Cliff Richard will be pleased.

  3. well, if it FEELS real enough…

  4. Your prediction is far too optimistic. Scientists need time to differentiate stem cells and grow them into an entire body. Still, it’s possible that 30 years from now people in LA will be having sex with Real Dolls made of living meat. Fully differentiated set of stell cells + clone cells donated and purchased (at great cost) from a celebrity of your choice = perfect cloned version of said person, only without all those bothersome higher brain functions.

    It’d be even better if scientists can somehow find a way to allow for limited higher brain functionality–maybe something on a canine or cat level. That way, your Real Doll isn’t just a doll–she’s actual friend! She’ll come curl up next to you, she always wants to play, and you can amuse her for hours with simple television shows. Even better, she’s house trainable.

    Yeah, this could be big…if I hadn’t just made all that up. Frankly, I find the idea of having sex with a woman made of liver cells just a tad…well, gross. :P

  5. Where do I sign up? I want me some hot cancer-doll action now!

  6. I wonder if I could buy one to keep as a pet.

  7. Well, holy spagoo. I was just thinking to myself, “When was the last time Warren put something up about RealDolls?” And then on a whim, I check his page for the first time this week and here it is, right there in the subject line. Thanks, W.

  8. Won’t someone think of their children?

  9. I shall name her “OMA.”

    Cancer’s fucked the human race long enough. Now we’re gonna fuck it. Doggystyle.

  10. foie grace…

  11. Do you have the website where I can pre-order mine? I’d like to get a head start on what will inevitably mean the end of our species.

  12. Dammit, it sounds like it would be like screwing a kebab.

    And we ALL know what that’s like, right?

  13. i allways wanted a “NO-TALKING” girlfriend!

    think large, no house, no jewelry, no talking, no food…

    well trained it will end up like a personal kind of zombie without the hunger!

    I like it, they accept VISA?

  14. People in LA are already having sex with cancer cells, only right now they’re in people’s vaginas and asses and mouths. The future only takes the attached person away.

  15. You know those people probably won’t want to have sex with it until it’s actually a dead living doll.

  16. Researchers are already using cartilaginous scaffolds with all the cells scoured out to build new organs from stem cells. I can’t imagine it would be hard to replicate living genitals from cadaver donors – in fact, if you use your own stem cells, you could even make a second penis for yourself! Now that’s what the first application of this technology is going to be: I predict 10 years, tops, before dual-cock people start walking around. People underestimate the lengths that body modders will go to; there are going to be biohacking pioneers in that area very shortly.

  17. Celebrities with higher brain functions? Hell, as I see it, Celebutantes like Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, and Nicole Richie are living tissue with low to no brain function at all, and should be considered living tissue suitable for donation to anyone with an IQ above 75 right now. As for the porn, those mentioned above are nothing but walking, talking and money-grubbing vaginas and breasts anyway.

  18. Not only will people be fucking RealDolls made of cancer cells, but there will be spas where celebrities and studio execs can do it for their health and right it off their taxes as a business expense.

  19. If they’re made entirely out of biological material, they’ll be more authentic than the vast majority of the fembots appearing in mainstream porn.

  20. No less but another human achievement.

  21. So basically, Teratoma with two legs.

    …Great.

  22. That will make a great csi episode!

  23. […] ‘Living doll’ made of human cancer cells — Wow. (Nicked from Warren Ellis.) […]

  24. It’s a strange experience to read your comic and think, that shit is crazy, and then read your blog and find out the real world is far, far crazier.

    I have better thoughts than that I swear. Really.

  25. Isn’t that what Portnoy of Portnoy’s Complaint was doing – having sex with liver? And some people claim Roth doesn’t write science fiction….

  26. […] Cancer sex dolls. […]

  27. […] Ellis think’s it’ll be used for sex. I have to agree, this is being created in Japan, home of the real […]