Because Sex Was Always Supposed To Be A Spine-Chilling Technological Nightmare

January 9th, 2009 | researchmaterial

RealTouch: a technological orifice that jacks into your computer and turns a subchannel of haptic commands into a servo-driven nightmarish despunking ordeal while watching your favouite porn star on VOD.  There’s also a set of commands for homosex where the RealTouch simulates the most frighteningly muscular rectum you ever feared.


11 Responses to “Because Sex Was Always Supposed To Be A Spine-Chilling Technological Nightmare”

  1. I didn’t know Mega Man’s blaster was that versatile.

  2. You’re just mad you didn’t think of it first!

    Hell, I am.

  3. Embrace the new world were we fuck our p.c’s but never touch another human. everyone alone with the Boy/girl of your paid for dreams. each giving the same dead eyed proformance…

    I will miss the smell of human hair…

  4. Ever wanted to have sex with a man, but you’re to affected by social pressure to dare? Get your robotic man-ass today! Get RealTouch!
    (Fisting may result in severe injury and loss of limbs.)

  5. Good morning to you too, Ellis.

  6. Mark – “I will miss the smell of human hair…”

    Me too. That wonderful singed smell and the meaty ‘thwack’ of a rubber truncheon across my spine. Some things a computer just can’t replace.

  7. [...] http://www.warrenellis.com/?p=6905 [...]

  8. Any wonder why the designer is a “former” NASA engineer?

  9. A must see is the maintenance vid.

  10. I’ve seen the thing! It’s fucking incredible! As plan b to poon it can’t be stopped…much like Diddy.

  11. Oh God. I guess, why not. *shaking off the memory*