Message Of The Day

Received from a 24-year-old man in Florida:

why should i read new universal if it has nothing to do with wolverine….is there a wolverine in new unviersal, have the howletts become prominant in this universe? I would read new universal if it had wolverine. I honestly do like what you do.

33 thoughts on “Message Of The Day”

  1. I’m sure that Wolverine’s meth-fueled abusive gay love affair with Hank Pimm is -exactly- what he’s looking to read…

    I’ll just be over here, cheering for Pete Wisdom.

  2. I too really like what you do, but Only when Wolverine is involved.

    also, have you ever been to Florida?
    If you had, then maybe you would understand this poor man’s anguish!

  3. Other works which could be improved by Wolverine:

    *”Hamlet”: “To be or not to be,” SNKT! “Yeah, that’s the question, Bub.”

    *”Wuthering Heights”: “Heathcliff, you’re a dick, and while you were out mooning on the moors, I was making time with Catherine, Bub.”

    *”Bartleby the Scrivener”: “I’m the best I am at what I’d do, but I’d prefer not to, Bub.”

    *”Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy”: “Never travel without a towel. Or an adamantium skeleton, Bub.”

    *”Mysteries of Pittsburgh” “We need some slippery stuff and a fastball special, if you know what I mean, Bub.”

  4. delicious copypasta

    why should i read wolverine if it has nothing to do with warren….is there a warren in wolverine, have the ellis’ become prominant in this universe? I would read new universal if it had warren. I honestly do like what you do.

  5. Buttler; awesome :)

    Also, why not just email the guy back and lie to him? Say that Wolvie *is* in N.U. but that because this is an alternate universe (or, hey, *New* universe, just to rub in the point that the title makes) he’s called John Tensen, and has different powers. Still grumpy though, so definitely him.

    He’ll probably buy the trade and maybe a couple of issues before he figures it out.

  6. I was all ready to post some snark and then it occurred to me. This brain-addled claw-popper has mocked himself better than any of us could ever hope to. In fact, once he takes his premise to its logical conclusion he’ll wake up in mom’s basement wipe the Frito crumbs from his chest creases, and emerge a strong and pure force of fanboy ignorance. More importantly, he’ll emerge as one less person to grab the last copy of Astonishing X-Men #25 before I do.

    Oh shit! Wolverine’s in Astonishing X-Men! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

  7. Speaking of which, when are further N.U. issues coming out?according to my comics store they’re currently stopped at #6.Which irks me because it’s such a cliffhanger

  8. Why should I fuck my wife if she’s not Wolverine? Could be wife maybe be Wolverine also? Have the Howletts become a prominent part of my universe. I think I would fuck my wife if she were Wolverine. I honestly do like my wife, but she’s not Wolverine.

  9. I am thoroughly impressed by the idea of putting Wolverine in Jane Eyre and believe Andrew Davies has missed a trick there – I don’t suppose you have his number, Warren?

  10. why should i ride my new car if its full with wolverines?….why are there wolverines in new car, have the wolverines become prominant in this universe? I would ride my new car if it didnt have wolverines in it. I honestly do like what you do.

  11. I will read everything you’ve written in any format as quickly as possible if you would only send a wolverine to my home address. PS I do not believe they are an endangered species at this time. PPS I do not live in Florida.

  12. I like to think that this man was very drunk when he wrote this message. He starts out kinda vaguely upset but ends it with a sort of ‘but I love you, man’.

    Come to think of it, this sounds like just about every whiny fanboy complaint about comics I’ve ever heard, + alcohol.

  13. ” Jonathan – May 6th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
    I’d read Wolverine if it had Spider Jerusalem in it.”

    Spider should be everywhere.

  14. Seriously, what the fuck, Ellis? I mean, why not put Wolverine, the most criminally under-used character in comic books, in NewUniversal? In fact, I think this idea could work for other comics and creators! Wolverine vs. Casanova Quinn! Wolverine teams up with Tracy Lawless! Wolverine and Richard Fell start their own private detective agency! Wolverine: the seventh evil boyfriend that Scott Pilgrim must fight! Wolverine and Jughead eat a lot of food and then fuck all night….

    The possibilities are endless and delicious.

  15. why should i read comic books if it has nothing to do with warren ellis….is there a warren ellis in comics, have the arse eels become prominant in this universe? I would read comic books if they had warren ellis. I honestly do like what you do.

  16. Hey Im the biggest Wolverine fan there is. I love the character, and I truly miss the days when Larry Hama wrote the book. Close second was the Frank Tieri run.
    But you know what? The lack of Wolverine in a book will never stop me from checking out the book. Wolverine is a loner, and he shouldn’t be involved in 3 or more teams, or titles if he’s a loner..New Universal is an alternate Universe, and I don’t need another alternate version of Wolverine to pique my interest.

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