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When you start worrying about whether someone likes you, or whether you’re going to get what you want, or whether you’ll ever become the person you want to be, just remember —

— we’re all doomed.

I’ve been thinking about going into the greeting card business. What do you think?

Published in brainjuice


  1. Delightful, need a picture of a puppy’s head mounted on a wall to go with it, though.

  2. Anna Anna

    I’m sure Hallmark would love to have you.

  3. Sounds like it beats the hell out of “The Secret”.
    Maybe you should make semi philisophical lifeguide DVD’s/books?

  4. Everything seems so clear all of a sudden

  5. optical optical

    Needs more cowbell.

  6. Aurora Williams Aurora Williams

    I think there’s already a company that prints up “Happy Birthday. I’ll see you in hell.” cards.

  7. On a serious note, alternative greeting cards might actually take off. Think you’ve got a million-pound idea, there.

  8. Paul Paul

    I thought that when I started my Mace-o-gram business.

    Boy, did I lose my shirt (and depth perception) on that one.

  9. It needs to be printed on a poster, underneath a picture of a canyon sunset, and hung in every workplace to properly motivate the masses.

  10. Have Templesmith illustrate the card cover… to show the love.

  11. Reminds me of my favourite quote. It’s isn’t snappy, and doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue:

    That man is the product of causes which had no prevision of the end they were achieving; that his origin, his growth, his hopes and fears, his loves and his beliefs, are but the outcomes of accidental collocations of atoms; that no fire, no heroism, no intensity of thought or feeling, can preserve a life beyond the grave; that all the labours of the ages, all the devotion, all the inspiration, all the noonday brightness of human genius, are destined to extinction in the vast death of the solar system; and the whole temple of man’s achievement must inevitably be buried beneath the debris of a universe in ruins. All these things, if not quite beyond dispute, are yet so nearly certain that no philosophy which rejects them can hope to stand. Only on the scaffolding of these truths, only on the firm foundation of unyielding despair, can the souls habitation be safely built.
    -Bertrand Russell

    Hmmm, doesn’t really fit on a card does it?

  12. Will Will

    A series of billboards, perhaps?

  13. Billy Meltdown Billy Meltdown

    You should totally do it.

  14. and maybe when you open the card, a pop up picture of a man’s penis dangling between his legs being stretched by large weights.

  15. Rick Rick

    Why go for the picture? Do it right: use an actual severed penis with weights attached. I know several girls who’d buy that card by the box to send breakup notes to their endless string of boyfriends. (And 1 or 2 that’d shellac the penis in question and use it as a sex toy, but that’s a different story….)

  16. I knew dicks would eventually have to enter the picture.

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