Eggs Stamped With American Network TV Ads

July 27th, 2006 | researchmaterial

CBS is enlisting eggs in its scramble to attract viewers. The CBS logo and slogans promoting the TV network and its series will appear along with coded expiration dates on eggs sold by grocers _ just another promotional measure in the competitive world of television.

More than 35 million eggs will be marked with phrases such as “CSI: Crack the Case on CBS” and “The Class, New Grade-A CBS Comedy” as part of a deal between the CBS Marketing Group and EggFusion, an egg-coding company.

The campaign is part of what the network is calling its “Outernet strategy,” an effort to reach viewers “outside their homes as they go about their daily lives…”

(I kind of want someone to die for this.)


48 Responses to “Eggs Stamped With American Network TV Ads”

  1. I want someone to die for this, there is no ‘kind of’ about it!

  2. This was thought up by the same fuckers who put 5 minutes of commercials before the movies in theaters.

  3. “Leave the yolks to us”? No death, torture.

  4. Sure, this is the kind of thing that will bring me back to network TV. While they are at it, they need more reality game shows and sitcoms starring blue-collar fat guys with “hot” wives, two kids and a house totally beyond their means. Yep, that’s the ticket…

  5. I laughed at the “How I Met Your Mother” one — not for the shitty pun, but for the fact that the egg is indirectly a rather dirty answer to the show’s title.

    “See, son, I met your mother while I was shooting a load of baby gravy into her wombtube…”

    “Oh god Dad SHUT UP”

    …but then again, maybe that was just my childhood.

  6. That’s an eggsellent idea.

  7. At least they didn’t use “egg-cellent”

  8. McLuhan’s “The Medium is the Massage,” an arty little paperback that came out in the 60s, had a little squib about a similar technology. As I recall, it showed a message sprayed on a fried egg.

  9. Torture. Death. A night with Condi Rice hopped up on crack and Viagra. No punishment is too cruel.

  10. Thanks for ruining Easter, CBS.

  11. “an effort to reach viewers “outside their homes as they go about their daily lives…” ”

    Does that quote make it seem like some diabolical plot to anyone else?

    Makes me glad I’m not living in the U.S. for that. Although it’s only a matter of time before the spread north…We must strike before that happens!

  12. If I lived even remotely close, I’d go buy a bunch of these and egg the CBS studios with them.

  13. For fuck’s sake.

  14. I say, the ad execs are not going far enough. They need a campaign where armed goons come directly to prospective viewers’ houses and beat them if they don’t watch this channel.

    With spiky clubs.

    In front of their children.

    There is a Cannes Lion crying out to be given for it, I know it.

  15. See? See? Sign of the fucking apocalypse this is (the apocalypsse I’m refferencing here is the one where I introduce the brain trusts that run most major networks to a fucking meat grinder…which will of course be turned into a reality show “the amazing race indeed”). This is why I buy locally, organic and all that other shit people laughingly call me a hippy for doing.

  16. Excuse me, Mr. Taggart, sir, but I sure do hate to see you like this. What if me and the boys was to shoot that ad executive dead? Would that pep you up some?

  17. The CSI ones have grotesque dead chickens in them that you can perform your own forensics on.

  18. What I hate are the talking ads in toilets that are triggered by motion… the last thing I need to hear after taking a crap is Jack Black doing a Mexican accent.

  19. Someone shouldn’t die for this. PEOPLE should die for this. Not only did some idiot think of this idea but a committee of people actually agreed it would work.

    I say we should buy up all of these eggs and then egg CBS HQ with them.

  20. man…such an invasion of personal space. I’m ready to die. fuck this planet.

  21. “They” did the same thing about five years back with bananas — bunch of extra chiquita-like stickers advertising products and such that had nothing to do with food.

    It failed, so will this.

  22. I think they need to declare an early Halloween at Les Moonves house..

  23. Since eggshells are poreous, I am very curious as to (1) how they clean the eggs to get a nice even color to print on, and (2) what type of ink they use to print the adverts.

    “Yes ma’am, I’ll have a cup of detergeant and a spoonful of mineral ink with my broiled eggs, thank you very much.”

  24. Could be worse… my local supermarket had apples with US flags “painted” on in white over July 4th weekend. Said white didn’t rub off, so I didn’t buy apples that week. Now, I expect apple ads, and maybe Apple ads.

  25. I think some kind of salmonella induced death caused by their own rotten eggs would be entirely appropriate.

  26. BUY the eggs? Fuck no, steal’em! Then drop them all from a helicopter and hope they’ve reached terminal velocity when they strike through the heads of the bastards responsible for this open sore on the face of all hen-dom! I’m guessing those poor hens are rotating on their spits about now.

  27. What really, really bothers me is that all these eggs are white, bleached-out Manson make-up white. WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU FIND AN ANIMAL THAT SHITS OUT WHITE EGGS? I know what eggs look like; they’re brown, or pink, or if it’s a duck, green/blue, and they have spekkles!

    Unless they came out of a turtle, or maybe a snake. Yeah, that sounds about right. Snake egg advertising. Fitting.

  28. Maybe CBS would like to pay me to allow them to inscribe or tattoo some kind of advertising slogan on the inside of my eyelids?

  29. Um, sir Savage, white eggs are not abnormal.
    You’ve just been deprived of variety.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Egg_%28food%29#Shell
    “Shell
    Egg shell color is caused by pigment deposition during egg formation in the oviduct and can vary according to breed, from the more common white and brown to pink or speckled blue-green. Although there is no significant link between shell color and nutritional value, there is often a cultural preference for one color over another. For example, in most regions of the United States, eggs are generally white; while in the northeast of that country and in the United Kingdom, eggs are generally light-brown.”

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Freerange_eggs.jpg

    Personally I don’t have a preference for the egg-shell color, apart from it not being printed with commersials. This will indeed be short-lived, unless they sell them at a loss so that poor people will prefer them while ignoring the shells the best they can.

  30. and i thought the broccoli-men from next wave were just an idea of the Intarwub Jesus. How naive I was.

  31. Re: shade
    Those eggs aren’t just white – they are albinoes.

  32. Thanks for pointing that out Shade, it is a mitigating point.

    Hold on. If the colour of the eggs is a cultural preference, what happens to all the non-white eggs these cluckers are supposedly pushing out?

    Cultural preference. American culture. Pop culture. Cartoons.

    Cartoons portray eggs as white. Average America grows up on a steady diet of this as their only reference point, having never seen a bloody chicken. (Evil little bastards, ate my wellies once.) They reach consuming age and demand white eggs, because everyone knows eggs are white. Hmmm.

    None of this makes me feel any better. I’m with George Carlin on this one. This species is circling the drain.

  33. Surprised that no one has brought this up yet – the little EYES they’ve got! With the excessively delineated eyelids: Big Brother is watching you, many times over, from the SURFACE of an EGGSHELL… and he’s got a mean hangover to boot. I’m not sure what this is a Symptom Of, but it sure is a Symptom Of Something.

  34. This only confirms the fact that the human race has passed its expiry date. Can someone please do a reboot on the entire planet?
    (I know I’m mixing metaphors, but what’s a meta for if not to mix?)

  35. I’m sorry, but I don’t pay for advertising. Advertising is supposed to make things cheaper/free.

    Also, concerning freerange vs. store-bought “machine eggs”: machine eggs have much paler yolks and are far blander in taste.

  36. Cartoons portray eggs as white. Average America grows up on a steady diet of this as their only reference point, having never seen a bloody chicken. (Evil little bastards, ate my wellies once.) They reach consuming age and demand white eggs, because everyone knows eggs are white. Hmmm.

    Well, I dunno about everywhere else, but we buy the white ones because they charge more for brown ones. They’ve somehow convinced folks that not white = natural. Which is total shit, of course.

  37. That’s just . . . unholy.

    Of course, I’m also reminded of the following Futurama quote –

    Leela: “Didn’t you have ads in the 21st century?”
    Fry: “Well sure, but not in our dreams. Only on TV and radio, and in magazines, and movies, and at ball games… and on buses and milk cartons and t-shirts, and bananas and written on the sky. But not in dreams, no siree. ”

    I agree about paying for advertising. Advertising on eggs should mean free eggs, damn it.

  38. I hate to interrupt a good cry, but you folks need to get a grip. First off, barring Easter, when’s the last time you did more than glance at an eggshell? I pull an egg out of the carton and smash it against the side of a frying pan or mixing bowl with about two seconds elapsed time. Secondarily, advertising on eggshells represents an ancillary revenue stream to distributors, which could result in lower retail prices on eggs. Finally, most of the people who will see these eggs are illegal alien Mexican fry cooks who can’t read English.

  39. Seriously, have any of you walked down the breakfast cereal aisle lately?
    It’s like a freaking gauntlet of movie merchandising tie-ins.

    I’m just waiting for some PR genius at one of the networks to start
    co-opting the “Have You Seen…?” panels on milk cartons, substituting
    can’t-miss shows for disappeared children.

    Oh shit! Um no, it’s okay. I don’t think network PR flacks know how
    to use the InterWebby…

  40. like charity, good invasive corporate branding starts at home …

  41. Henderson Valley Egggggs!!! You’re Gonna Love Our Eggs!!!

    This Ain’t Your Daddy’s Egg!

    Finally An Egg For My Generation!

  42. Stabby thoughts.

    stabby stabby fucking stabby stabby STABBY.

  43. great site with good look and information…i like it

  44. Why?

    I mean, really. WHY?
    How… desperate, are you… to put ads on EGGS?

  45. The color of the egg is mostly dictated by breed. So if you want white eggs, you buy one of the breeds that lays predominatly white ones.

    Offcolor or badly sized eggs get sold to places they never see the light of day. Commercial bakeries, etc. I mean, how can the hell you tell what color egg was used in those pre-packaged donuts you ate last week?

  46. That’s it! Those guys from the egg advisory council are out of my will!

  47. I’m not sure how I feel about this… which is curious in and of itself.

    It’s so outwardly twisted for a place as conservative and unimaginative as CBS.

  48. eggsellent idea :)
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