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Thee Countdown Ov Deth: My Last Living Saturday

Joe Killian sends me a note reading:

The weather here (in NC, near Charlotte) is nuts right now.

Today I walked outside at 9 a.m. and was sweating through my clothing.

At a little after 5 p.m. the sky opened up and a torrential downpour of rain and hail made it nearly impossible to drive, lightning setting fires and knocking down trees, exploding transformers as roads flooded and people were trapped in restaurants.

A few hours later all was dark and quiet, and so hot you feel you’re walking around in a wet, warm blanket.

And I had to write the weather story for the local daily.

It felt like I was tapping out a bad parody of Revelations.

Published in brainjuice


  1. David David

    Warren.. I’m about 1.5 hours from Charlotte.. Enjoy our “Storms Of Death”..


  2. Tim in Houston. Tim in Houston.

    Yup. Welcome to the South in the summertime – the only thing that keeps surprising me is that people keep being surprised.

  3. You can’t beat Takeshi for images of happy suicide. And yes, the horrible pun was intended.

  4. Jim Tuck Jim Tuck

    Stop scaring Warren. The weather isn’t *that* bad.

    Things we also shouldn’t mention: The bugs. That they’re as big as your hand. And as thick as pigeons, but less friendly.

    We don’t need to see “British terrorist holds airline crew hostage with cane; Demands return flight to Heathrow, can of Raid.” on the CNN crawl.

  5. Oh hush you will be fine.
    I’m not saying that southern weather is ideal or wonderful in the South. But if you stay in the hotel you will be fine, and last year at night around this time at the con it was very tolerable almost pleasant, and ok for venturing out of the hotel if you so decide.

    It may not even storm that weekend? I don’t rely on the weather reports, because they have been wrong so many times before and unpredictable.

    You’ll be fine.. don’t make me tickle you:P

  6. Tim Tim

    Like you go outside anyway. AC all the way!

  7. MIR MIR

    The pub will have air conditioning…
    And your legions of filthy assistants can fan you as you sign.

    sounds like it’s going to be a grand time.

  8. geek geek

    We don’t have pubs in Charlotte. We have bars, but I fear if Warren goes to one of the bars downtown I’ll be hearing about the Englishman who slaughtered the happy hour crowd with a cane for months.

  9. Sean Sean

    What did you think the south would be like? It’s hell. Put some shorts on. No one cares how pale you are, especially comic book readers.

  10. David David

    Dear god it’s raining in NC, as if Jesus himself was crying for the aborted babies.

    I’m gonna build a boat.

  11. Gregg Gregg

    geek:I fear if Warren goes to one of the bars downtown I’ll be hearing about the Englishman who slaughtered the happy hour crowd with a cane for months.

    Pish. Warren isn’t going to take that long to slaughter people! His cane arm would get tired!

    We’ll take good care of you Warren. I myself will buy you a drink!

  12. Ezra Howard Ezra Howard

    that is the south for you.
    its like living world’s buttcrack
    hot, humid, and plenty of oppritunities for devastating travesties against humanity

  13. If everyone who has promised to buy you a drink makes good on their promise, then you will be too drunk to realise that you’re stateside, let alone in NC. Plus, by that time you yourself will be flamable! You can just light yourself on fire if the rain gets too chilly. :) I am just such a barrel of good ideas.

  14. Back to 80 degree nights and not much foul weather through the weekend, actually. You can hear the secadas (huge buzzing bugs whose song can be like a malfunctioning can opener or slowly dying rodent) and I’ve just had to write a piece about the epizootic (yes, that is the proper name for an epidemic among animals) of rabies among NC raccoons. There have been 9 confirmed attacks by rabid racoons in this county alone so far this year – five coming in the last two weeks.

    After the piece ran I got this fucked up telephone call about it.

    But…chin up, cheer up. They’re legally manufacturing moonshine in the Tarheel state these days. Will bring some to the con, if you like. May take the edge off.

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