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Thee Countdown Ov Doooom Continues

Heroes Con looms.

Car service to airport arranged. Last fitting for suit done (cost: one kidney). Earphones need replacing. Find boots.

Fly out Wednesday, arriving in Charlotte, North Carolina late Wednesday afternoon. Spend Thursday in bed recovering from nine-hour flight.

Heidi MacDonald emailed to tell me she’s interviewing me on stage at some point during the show. That will be painful. Hopefully she’ll get a dose of Montezuma’s Revenge, as she did in Toronto the other month.

Have decided to not leave air-conditioned space during my stay. My poor old lungs do not cope well with humidity. Current conditions in Charlotte: 85 degrees, 80% humidity, strong chance of thunderstorms: “Storms are capable of producing brief heavy rainfall and possible urban flooding with little or no warning.” I appear to have gotten a direct flight to Hell.

Leg is playing up again, so I will definitely be on the cane throughout the convention.

Have yet to write the talk for Friday night. Was writing something about Philip K Dick, but it’s not funny enough. May re-use Toronto talk from 2005.

Need to load some tv shows onto the flash card for Box. Also need to clear out and reload The Rugged Manly MP3 Player. Need to put “Fly” by Lamb on there, my totem song for travel.

Also required: wetsuit, boat, breathing apparatus, atropine, small gun with single bullet.

Published in about warren ellis/contact brainjuice


  1. cost: one kidney

    Feh. You can buy kidneys at Wal-Mart; the company has a deal with China.

  2. but you’ll have a nice new suit – good for sticking to your skin with repulsive 80% humidity.

  3. Give those Sino pee-filters a pass.

    Target has designer kidneys from the inhabitants of South Pacific island nations facing inundation from melting ice caps. A little pricier, but not as much pollution damage. Or, you know, the occasional bullet fragments from when the previous owner was shot.

  4. el_randall el_randall

    also, as a rule of thumb, I recommend for drinking: a bucket and a clean shirt

  5. Is that old Toronto talk somewhere in the archives here? I had it saved on my machine, which suffered a hard drive crash…

  6. Matt Matt

    Charlotte’s not a bad town, but I share their weather; I live relatively close by in sunny (blazing, miserably humid) Tennessee. This is just not the best time of year to visit the southeastern US.

  7. > Hopefully she’ll get a dose of Montezuma’s Revenge

    Oh, please take that back! I’ve had the revenge against the conquistadors, myself. dag.

    Indoors the whole time, eh? Not going to try windsurfing on the outerbanks? I mean, you’ll have a wetsuit…

  8. Michael Climek Michael Climek


    You want us to bring you anything to the con? Whiskey, Red-bull, muses?


  9. Ugh. It’s just as bad in NY, I’ve been sticking wet towels against my forehead and drinking gin to keep me from sweating like the porch monkeys on my stoop. Fuck laundry.

  10. Tim Tim

    Although it would be “cool”, as kids say, to see you in America on the rare occassion you leave your booby-trapped homestead for the outerworld I’m afraid a day’s drive and a few hundred dollars worth of hotel time is not worth it to me for a few digital photos of your visage and the possibility of being hit by your cane for looking at you funny. I will continue to buy and read your comics however, I hope that is enough to keep you at bay. Make sure to have recharging ability for your rugged mp3 player otherwise there is nothing but country and the hips-hops on southern radio.

  11. mike black mike black

    Storms arn’t anything to worry about, Warren. It’s been a light storm season.

  12. The weather here (in NC, near Charlotte) is nuts right now.

    Today I walked outside at 9 a.m. and was sweating through my clothing.

    At a little after 5 p.m. the sky opened up and a torrential downpour of rain and hail made it nearly impossible to drive, lightning setting fires and knocking down trees, exploding transformers as roads flooded and people were trapped in restaurants.

    A few hours later all was dark and quiet, and so hot you feel you’re walking around in a wet, warm blanket.

    And I had to write the weather story for the local daily.

    It felt like I was tapping out a bad parody of Revelations.

  13. M. E. Hepler M. E. Hepler

    Why do you do it if you hate it so?

  14. Jonathan Visminas Jonathan Visminas

    Sssh, you might convince him to cancel. Not that I care. I’m not going. Cause it’s outside of half-hour away. And about six states away. Some days, America is to fucking huge.

  15. Rob Ellis Rob Ellis

    So how soon will you be leaving Charlotte? As someone who does live here, I wanted to stop by but now am concerned that unless
    I’m bringing nurses with me, I shouldn’t show.

  16. Damian Damian

    I’ve been telling him the humidity was gonna be a bitch all year. Shouldn’t sound suprised at all.
    I guess this ruins any chance of booking him for Atlanta next August.

  17. Hannah Hannah

    My brother-in-law is going to be there. I told him to give you a kick on my behalf–in the off-chance he does, don’t kill him.

  18. If anyone tries to kick me, I’ll knock out their teeth with my cane and then have them dragged out by security. Warn your brother-in-law — I’m going to be in no mood for “jokes”.

  19. Jon Munger Jon Munger

    Better you than me. I’ll be up here in Portland listening to Power Circus and hanging out with magicians and turncoats.
    Not that I’m rubbing it in.

  20. Damien Damien

    That’s awesome that you have a totem song, for traveling.

    Sorry you weren’t in the area a weekend sooner. Legendary Pink Dots 25th anniversary tour, last night. Was awesome.

  21. elodie elodie

    it REALLY isn’t that bad, the humidity… it makes you feel alive.
    … i’ve got to hike between 2-5 blocks to get to the con, because i don’t think i want to pay for parking every day… so i’ve got to keep myself in good spirits about the shit weather.

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