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Come, Friendly Bombs…

The Kaylani’s Foot Fetish masturbator is a petite, soft, supple and incredibly life-like Futurotic toy for people who love feet. It has a life-like luscious tight, ribbed vagina tucked away discreetly at the base of the heel that allows you to complete your fantasy like never before. Special talc is included to keep your foot nice and soft. 4 1/4 inches in length.”

(Thanks, Carla. I think.)

Published in researchmaterial


  1. Seriously… no.

  2. moisie moisie

    Surely that’s only for people who like severed feet?

  3. The_Pete The_Pete

    I don’t get it…a vagina in the heel of a foot?

    Do people DREAM of cutting off a woman’s foot and fucking the stump?

    I don’t want to think about it.

  4. Susan Susan

    There is a vagina in that foot.

    A vagina in that foot.

    Do they make a breast version where there’s a vagina in a boob?

    Why does this feel like a CSI episode gone horrible wrong?

  5. Now taking bets on what Ellis book this will appear in. Easy money’s on Fell or Desolation.

  6. fogbat fogbat

    Do they do a Will Self version, too, with a vagina growing out of the back of a knee?

  7. Remy Remy

    That is quite possibly, the greatest thing I have seen.

  8. I’d apologize, but. I also swear we do not work in a porn shop.

  9. Thumpsquid Thumpsquid

    Damn, this reminds me of a William Gibson story I read once… What the hell was it called?

  10. Finally, Stumpfuckers have a product they can enjoy

  11. I just think it’s insulting they assumed all footfuckers are so poorly endowed. 4 and a half inches? But perhaps they just know their customer base well.

  12. Melinda Melinda

    It’s not edible, is it?
    I think it should be edible.

  13. Hemmi Hemmi

    “Now taking bets on what Ellis book this will appear in. Easy money’s on Fell or Desolation.”

    Actually it already has been in an Ellis book, or the equivalent there of. Just read Stranger Kisses.

  14. Frank Schmidt Frank Schmidt

    Really, I’m surprised you aren’t taking credit for this.

  15. HLoF HLoF

    I can’t believe that they’re not more freely available… surely a missed opportunity for the Argos catalogue?

  16. Smax Smax

    Holy shit. The store I work at actually sells these things, and now I’m kicking myself for not submitting them. The only reason I can think of for this failure because just thinking about them for more than the time it takes to giggle gives me the heebies.

    The damn thing is also tiny. The 4 1/2″ love tunnel (hee) is about 90% of the size of the foot stump. So not only are you fucking a foot, you are fucking what is, in essence, a child’s foot.

    Swear to god, if somebody actually buys one of these things I’m quietly slipping their info to the cops. Normally I’m for tolerance and all that crap, but latex child footginas can lead nowhere but awful.

  17. Dave Dave

    Strangest Kisses, anyone?

  18. Long Live the New Flesh.

  19. RMC RMC

    The real question is do they shift units? How many of these weird fuckers are out there (and do I get a prize for Best Pun)?

  20. Andy Andy

    “Now taking bets on what Ellis book this will appear in. Easy money’s on Fell or Desolation.”

    Wolfskin. I see a Viking smashed on too many muscaria ‘shrooms sewing half-rotted ladyparts together…

  21. ramon ramon

    joe matt must be doing backflips right now.

  22. Andy Andy

    “Latex child footginas” may well just be the best phrase I have ever heard. I salute you, Smax!

  23. Andy Andy

    Also, as a second thought: wouldn’t “using” this just make you feel (and look) like you were getting kicked in the crotch?

  24. So that’s “pussyfooting”?
    I’ve wondered about that expression.

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