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Emlyn Hughes Usurps Orgasm-Sending Aliens In Brain Of Former Policewoman

Dead football star Emlyn Hughes is using a former policewoman to contact Liverpool FC manager Rafa Benitez.

Stephany Cohen says she has been contacted by the spirit of the former England and Liverpool captain. She says he is desperate to speak to the European Cup-winning manager and wants her to set up a meeting.

Three years ago the 45-year-old featured in News Shopper, sister newspaper of This Is Local London, when she revealed aliens called “Grays” were giving her orgasms.

“The way the spirit guides and I are working is we are building up to when the aliens are coming, that is a bigger thing. At the moment we are trying to build up my energy to speak to the aliens.”

If Miss Cohen and her spirit guides agree her body is ready then she believes aliens could start speaking to humans through her this year.

She said: “It seems to be the people from Andromeda are on a very important mission to tell us on Earth something.”

Miss Cohen, of Lancaster Close, Bromley, is also expecting Grays from the planet Sirrus D to use her body to tell humans things.

Miss Cohen believes the Grays have been her spiritual guides for many lifetimes, including when she was Joan of Arc in the 1400s.

Published in researchmaterial


  1. Flying_Pig Flying_Pig

    This of course, makes Perfect sense..

  2. Andy Andy

    Ooh, a Professional Nut.

    I wonder if she has her union card?

  3. Stephanie Wilson Stephanie Wilson

    More than likely, she is the president of the union.

  4. TomHand TomHand

    Former Policewoman.

    Ten guesses why she’s a “former”, and the first nine don’t count.

  5. Ed Fortune Ed Fortune

    Ah, the News Shopper, always seeking out those quality gems for it’s weekly gems. I’m suprised they didn’t ask to seek out the Krays for them.

  6. RMC RMC

    So what, are these Inter-Stellar Orgasm transmissions charging her up to receive? Is this why
    mobile phones always sound so cheerful?
    Also; my guess as to why she is no longer a policewoman is that WPCs headgear wasn’t able to
    accomadate all those braids tied up in a neat bun. Maybe see quit in a huff when they turned
    down her request for a bobby’s tit-shaped helmet.

  7. I have those all the time, but I don’t think they are due to aliens communicating with me, or any higher power, but I do say “OH DEAR GOD!” And other unmentionable things. allot:P

    Yay for crazy people, the world would be dull without kooks like her:)

  8. Why is it aliens are always trying to “tell us something,” and it is usually stuff we already know? “The aliens say… the aliens say that we need to stop global warming by driving more efficient cars!” Why don’t the aliens tell us something that the average person who watches the Discovery Channel wouldn’t know? Like, in ten years all the carbon dioxide that the ocean has absorbed will bubble to the surface ala the fizz in a cola bottle and cause torrents of acid to rain from the skies for weeks, killing one quarter of the population. That’s handy knowledge.

    And why do aliens need to channel a human? Why not a parrot? Or, if they are so advanced and have something so very important to tell us, why don’t they take over our satellite system and beam this message directly into the eyes and ears of every couch potato on the planet?

    And, (one more “why” and I’ll leave, I promise) why do all the people who communicate with these greys have fabulous past lives as priests of Atlantis of French princesses or (in this case) Joan of Arc? This is the second person I have read about who claims to have been Joan of Arc. Somehow, her soul must be inhabiting two bodies at the same time. Imagine if we got these two ladies together. Imagine all the memories they could share over some wine! “Do you remember when the fire was melting the hair on our forearm?” “Oh, how could I forget! And, that little boy started screaming, ‘Whore, whore, whore!'” Why don’t the greys communicate with people who scraped chicken poop in the poultry houses of England? They’re snobs, I tell you!

  9. Realistic reincarnation would be boring.

    “I sense that in a past life, you were… a peasant. And in the life before that… you were also a peasant. And the one before that. It’s peasants all the way back, I’m afraid. In fact, you’re still a peasant.”

  10. Yeah, it’s much more interesting to be someone important, like Napoleon or Alexander, than Grub the serf, died of shitting himself to death.

  11. Kat Kat

    Lying bitch.

    *I* was Joan of Arc.

  12. No, I’m pretty sure *I* was Grub the serf!
    And I think I’m stuck in a karmic cycle…

  13. paul paul

    “….why don’t they take over our satellite system and beam this message directly into the eyes and ears of every couch potato on the planet?”

    Some might say that MTV is direct proof that they’ve been doing that for years, the tasteless alien fucks.

  14. “Some might say that MTV is direct proof that they’ve been doing that for years, the tasteless alien fucks. ”

    That explains everything. So, the aliens are trying to kill us all with raunch culture, fake boobs,, gold teeth, blatant consumerism and crappy songs?

  15. :-)

  16. I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

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