Skip to content →

The Boy-Piss Vampire

A disturbing case was discovered Tuesday about a Central Ohio man who allegedly told police he likes to drink the urine of adolescent boys.

Alan Patton, 54, is in jail after allegedly telling Gahanna police that he enjoys drinking urine. Detective Ron Fithen interviewed Patton after he was arrested while leaving a movie theater last weekend.

“Listening to his describe it, it’s like listening to a crack or cocaine addict. He’s addicted to children’s urine,” Fithen said.

Police said Patton goes to family restaurants and movie theaters and waits for boys in a bathroom stall. Investigators said he shuts off the water to the child-level urinal and puts a cup in the bottom.

Patton allegedly told police that he leaves the stall after the child leaves. “He goes back and retrieves the cup and drinks the urine,” Fithen said.

Police said Patton told them it makes him sick, but that it’s almost spiritual to him. He allegedly added, “I like it because it makes me closer to them — like I’m drinking their youth.”

Police believe Patton has been collecting and drinking urine in cities around Central Ohio, including Hilliard, Westerville, Dublin, Worthington and Gahanna.

Published in researchmaterial

25 Comments

  1. Ugh. No more green tea for me today.

  2. Susan

    Susan

    We in Ohio are so fucked it’s not even funny…

  3. Wait…Gahanna? Fithen? Patton? Somebody must’ve made this up. That, or God is an awesome writer.

  4. I’ve had American beer.
    I would imagine adolescent boy urine is nicer.

  5. Don

    Don

    It’s funny that I never knew quite how sick that area of Columbus was until I moved far, far away. Though it makes sense; lots of upper-crusts in those suburbs.

  6. mikael

    mikael

    Gahanna/Gehenna = Hell

    Originally it referred to a garbage dump in a deep narrow valley right outside the walls of Jerusalem (in modern-day Israel) where fires were kept burning to consume the refuse and keep down the stench. It is also the location where bodies of executed criminals, or individuals denied a proper burial, would be dumped. Today, “Gehenna” is often used as a synonym for Hell.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gehenna

  7. Nate

    Nate

    So, yeah. I’m dropping my little sister off at dance pratice in Gahanna in a half hour. If I don’t go now I guess I’ll have to hold it.

  8. Tadiera

    Tadiera

    Fuck.
    Why is it all the weird stuff comes from Ohio?

    I need out of this state.

  9. Hey look on the bright side their magical urine was being recycled and….he wasn’t eating their poo.

  10. Jason

    Jason

    “–like I’m drinking their youth.”

    Glad I got to read that phrase right before I go to bed.

  11. brandon longstreth

    brandon longstreth

    the tinkles of the night…. what beautiful music it makes….

  12. Lukebunny

    Lukebunny

    I just took a shit on a guy and let him drink my urine. But then again, I’m an adult, and I got paid good money, sooo….

  13. James

    James

    I live in Gahanna and was unaware of that. That is profoundly fucked up.

  14. Jacob Shelton

    Jacob Shelton

    So, truly fucking creepy and all (thanks Warren, shit not even the methadone makes it better)but what exactly is the crime? I think this person should have something brutal done to him by bad men who haven’t seen a proper woman for many a moon…but on what charge? And why did he tell police in the first place? Granted he’s fucking insane and all, but still.

  15. William

    William

    It does say in the article that a parent reported the guy looking at his child funny in the bathroom, which is why he was arrested or questioned. Heh, I don’t know what the charge would be though.

    Also, I thought I read somewhere that there was some ancient Chinese practice of drinking children’s urine or something. Or maybe some primitive culture, I don’t know; it seems vaguely familiar though.

  16. Ohio…round on both ends, crazy as f**k in the middle…

  17. I get occasional reports of some new draconian law or other (or hysterically harsh enforcement of an otherwise reasonable law) from Ohio, and I always wondered what it is about that place.

    I’m beginning to understand now.

  18. BobBongo

    BobBongo

    I’ve done a lot of stupid things that began “I wonder what would happend if I tried this..,” but none of them ever ended with me drinking piss.. although, I’m not averse to German porn.

  19. z3r0n3

    z3r0n3

    FUCK! I live on the East Side of Columbus, and that town’s about 10 minutes away! So that’s who pissed in my mouth…

  20. Aaron

    Aaron

    Yeah i live in Gahanna too…and I have an 8 year old son. Makes you wonder.

  21. David

    David

    What….is wrong….with…the world?!

    In days gone by these kinds of people were beaten with stones.
    but then the problem arises where do we draw the them and us line?

    Which leads to freedom issues….

    however..

    It is not normal or even sane to drink urine.
    Let alone young dude piss.

    Way more sugar than can be good for you.

    ….apparently.

    -David

  22. Tim

    Tim

    WHAT’S WRONG WITH THIS GUY???
    What kind of Barbarian is he???
    Doesn’t he know that the only way
    to drink piss is straight from the hose???
    Geeze!!!

  23. Thirsty

    Thirsty

    A little salty is all

Comments are closed.