I Learn From My Patients
February 4th, 2006 | researchmaterial
Found by the creature I know only as “Ms Kitty Verbena”, I give you “Things I Learn From My Patients”. (Scroll down to “Threads”, you’ll find it.)
Tom, if you haven’t seen this, you’re going to love it:
…we just had a guy swallow 16 grams worth of meth when a deputy pulled him over. An ambulance was called 3 minutes after the stop, and he died enroute –
Always wait until finishing your woodwork with the skillsaw prior to using your meth.
don’t sit out on your front porch reading the bible and minding your own business at 2 AM unless you are praying to be shot
No matter how annoyed you are at being incarcerated dont slash open your scrotum and shove razor blades up your urethra.
Latex paint, despite being thick and creamy, does not coat your stomach and provide the same relief as pepto-bismol.
If you are going to get into a fight, and have a prosthetic eye, make sure you take it out first… and, for safe keeping, shove it up your vagina….
ALSO ALSO ALSO PAY ATTENTION I HAVE WARNED YOU ABOUT THIS SHIT
if you are going to have a leg amputated in a car accident be very sure that the neighborhood dog is not lurking in the area…they tend to take what they can get.



Superb!
And if I may add one…
‘Don’t read that website just after damaging your laughter muscles reading Nextwave’.
(Also superb)
See, this is why, in spite of both my parents being doctors, I went into Comp Sci instead.
God help me, I read the first dozen pages of that, then had to give up. Things start getting really ugly around page nine, when a patient shows up with genital warts in and around his colostomy port.
As I read in fascinated horror, I would occasionally think, “This one is going to show up in an issue of FELL at some point, isn’t it?”
Under no circumstances follow the link to the demo of the uretheral vibrator in action unless you’re fully mentally prepared for the wrongness that the words “uretheral vibrator” are bringing along with ‘em…
Words of wisdom, Paul.
I tried to find this old thread I once read that started with the joys of zit-popping and moved through staph infections and pretty much anything the human body can do that involves pus of some form or another, but, thankfully, I could not find it.
Hello. This site has been fucking up ever since it was posted here. Think there is a correlation? Whatever it is, this is a brilliant find. Seriously inspired searching.