Twitter: Sort Of A Brain Condom For Synapse Muck

For a while, I had a capture of my twitter feed running here. It ended up doing something weird to my API calls, stopping me from running my desktop client, so I killed it. Which is probably just as well, as I talk a lot of shit on Twitter. It’s basically mental slurry, the wet lumpy bits from a day spent at the keyboard vented off into a trap so the buildup doesn’t blow some crucial valve in my head. Look at these, from the last two months or so:

* Pitstop for food and a bit of the election debate: Gordon Brown looking unsettlingly Nixonian

* An orange tie, Nick Clegg? I don’t care who you are, an orange tie looks like you’re leaking neck pus

* Someone has polished David Cameron’s chin into a shining Failure Bump

* This is fucking grotesque. I’m off to get drunk. And then I’m running for Prime Minister

* Unaccountably filled with alcohol. Also, I can unaccountably still spell "unaccountably"

* @kumimonster i may possibly have just signed an email as "Prime Minister Batman"

* Tomorrow I will begin my political campaign by changing my twitter ID to PrimeMinisterBatman. Good night, bat-chums.

* Prime Minister Batman is tired and would like to go to bed now.

* In solidarity with @kellysue and her slow birth labour, I am now dilated to 8 cm.

* one little comment about being dilated to 8cm and everybody unfollows you YOU CAN’T EVEN SEE MY CERVIX YOU COWARDS

* I would like to add two new rules to the forthcoming UK election.

* 1. The winner gets to execute the losing party leaders on live TV. It’s only fair.

* 2. In the event of a hung parliament, all party leaders have to kill each other simultaneously on live TV.

* (3. I get to run Britain from an orbital death-ray station. That rule will be a slightly harder sell, I know.)

* US newspaper circulation down 8.74%. Homeless people have less to sleep under.

* Good morning, sinners. You may bring me unicorn bacon now.

* fuck you i am batman #warrenellisisbatman (no, no context for you)

* As everyone else is saying: the deep and archaic strangeness of a British sky without plane contrails dawns on you slowly.

* Contrails are back. The sign of an old friend, the sign of being able to reach over the world again.

* Redbulling with cigarettes and looking for the new temporal curve

* My brain is standing up like an electric meerkat

* Another rock star Friday night in the life of a working writer: overclocking my brain & being overpowered by a hot laptop.

* Watching the Election Debate. Like looking at three abortions crawl out of a bin and try to dance for coins.

* Misheard Nick Clegg and thought he was praising "the unsung hero of heroin"

* can you have beer as a power totem animal?

* Making culture is a shamanic conversation: we spend our days talking with dead ancestors. Good morning.

* Soon I will have 365,000 followers, and so can finally sacrifice 1000 souls a day to scabby Elder Space Gods for a year.

* I shall relate the details of the project in my forthcoming book THE TWEET OF TWITHULHU.

* Ooh champagne no I couldn’t possibly no wait come back here give me that fucking bottle

* The vodka martini: 2010s creative fuel or 1950s wifebeating fuel? We shall see.

* Oh no not more champagne oh all right then if you’re forcing me no no leave the crate here I SAID LEAVE IT

* No, seriously: Zombie Jesus reproduced by egg?

* Is Zombie Jesus gone? Is it safe to come out yet? These savage primitive cults confuse and worry me

* Of all the April Fool’s gags, the idea that Pete Doherty could play two shows in a row without nodding out is the dumbest.

* I think it’s way past time this script started doing what daddy says. (takes off belt)

* "Apply cunning" is good general advice for the day, I think. We could all use a cunning plan, after all.

* Or a cunning stunt.

* FAQ: No, I don’t have an assistant. I don’t have minions. I don’t have slaves. It is very sad, yes.


* The moral of TAKEN: Daddy knows best. Don’t make daddy kill a shitload of foreigners and then say "I told you so."

* Formspring: where essential human mystery goes to die the death of a thousand clicks.

* I do not understand why I have not been approached to run the UK Space Agency.

* Ah, yeah. Maybe they read the bit in WIRED UK about my interest in an orbital death ray. Still. Bad show.

* "Success is buried in the garden of failure." Quote by Rick Wakeman, of all people.

* These are my good deeds for the day. I shall go back to hunting possible "assistants" with rohypnol harpoons now.

* am manfully fighting the urge to unscrew people’s heads and check inside their brain-caves for bad wiring

* attotechnology: for when nanotech starts sounding all flabby and 20th-Century

* The thing about this part of London is you can’t tell who’s a dotcom worker and who’s a homeless person

* I has a pint, awaiting next meeting where I will apparently be poked with twigs. Probably a sex thing.

* ambient awareness – subcritical sociability – Dymaxion Chronofile

* Honestly, the only thing that interests me about SXSW these days is getting video or transcript of the annual Bruce Sterling rant.

* (Even though I suspect that one day soon he’s going to lose it and just yell "FUCK YOU, MOON PEOPLE" at them for an hour.)

* Child: "How do I look?" Me: "Like something Viv Westwood scribbled on a napkin 30 years ago." Child: "I hate you old man"

* dr zaius is my co-pilot

* dear producers: each time you stick that bloody wub wub sound on your shit techno and say I HAS MADED DUBSTEPS god rapes a seal

* The London Olympic stadium is starting to look like a giant radio dish pointed at space. Which would be more interesting.

* I like to think that, somewhere in the world, there is a sexual position called The Shatner.

* If Andy Warhol had had the internet, would he have interviewed himself on Formspring all day?

* I still recall my mother’s first words to me: "I haven’t killed anyone in years, but never think that I’ve forgotten how."

Links for 2010-04-30

  • Think Progress; Arizona Expands Its Discrimination: Teachers With Heavy Accents Can?t Teach English, Ethnic Studies Are Banned
    'Today, the Wall Street Journal reports that the Arizona Department of Education ?recently began telling school districts that teachers whose spoken English it deems to be heavily accented or ungrammatical must be removed from classes for students still learning English?:' What the fuck is going on out there?
    (tags:pol )
  • Technology Review: Blogs: TR Editors’ blog: Augmented-Reality Floor Tiling
    "Researchers at McGill University in Montreal, Canada have developed floor tiles that can simulate the look, sound and feel of snow, grass or pebbles underfoot. Such a tool could perhaps be used for augmented reality applications, tele-presence, training, rehabilitation or even as virtual foot controllers. The modular "haptic" floor tiling system is made up of a deformable plate suspended on a platform. Between the plate and platform are sensors that detect forces from the user's foot. And the plate can give off vibrations that mimic the feeling of stepping on different materials. A top-down projection and speakers add visual and audio feedback."
    (tags:tech ar )