My "friend" Lauren Martin sent me this. She is not my friend any more. Bits of me hurt and I cannot stop crying.

You must all suffer.

• Pre-communist Russia’s Dirigibles

  (tags:project-a )

warrenellis.com reader and Whitechapel regular Dusty/”Kaiserdean” videos his first experience with a sinus treatment. I don’t know why I found this so funny. Possibly the mewling noises before he works up the courage to do it. Possibly the bit where he chokes out “this is horrible” – and then does it again.

• After reading several reports, it transpires that I do not want a Google G1 phone after all. I am sad now. Bring me a Nokia Morph, stat. #
• @shaviro apparently the UI is lousy and it locks to a single Gmail account. Want to change accounts? Factory-reset the phone. Bleh. #
• @templesmith Everything is always my fault. I, however, wrote a good review of HOXFORD in British newsstand magazine SFX. #
• Wishing I had time (and a spare grand) for a shopping trip to http://www.magmabooks.com in London #

So I wake up this afternoon to Alex Steffen informing me that We’re All Doomed. To wit, the executive editor of Worldchanging.com was telling me that permafrost on the Arctic seabed has been warmed away, allowing vast underground pockets of methane to ascend in great "chimneys," causing the sea to foam and scientists to fall over in horror because methane is a greenhouse gas twenty times better at its planet-cooking job than good old CO2. These underground deposits were lidded over before the last ice age, apparently, and would have stayed bunged up if, ha ha, there hadn’t been rapid climate change in the Arctic over the last twenty years.

Should all concerns be confirmed, it appears that we’re all going to die from the escape of monstrous planetary farts from beyond history.

Funnily enough, though, Spook Turds From The Bottom Of The Sea are washing up on the shores of New Zealand. Now, this is New Zealand for you: a six foot long barnacled white lump of fatty crap turns up on the beach. What do the locals do?

Mrs Wilkie was keen to cut the greasy lump into blocks and sell it as
moisturising sunblock.

Because that’s the first thing you think of when an alien turd the size of a Smartcar plonks itself on the sand. Not "what in hell did that come out of?" But "can I screw a few dollars out of people by conning them into rubbing sea-monster shit on their skin?" You can at least rely on the English to try and screw it or smoke it first.

I can’t yet construct a workable theory explaining that these things were fired out of an underground sphincter in the Arctic. But I’d like to, if only to make James Lovelock swallow his tongue. Wouldn’t it be lovely to explain to him that we discovered where all the indigestible trans fats that we place into the earth in the form of dead people actually go?

I’ve decided that for the next week I’d like to show videos.

So make me a video. Send it to me at warrenellis at gmail dot com. Or upload it somewhere and send me the link. If I like it, I’ll run it here, so give me a name and a link to your website/blog/personalpage while you’re at it. Be clever, be funny, be weird, be artistic, be musical, be dirty, be disturbing, I don’t care. Just so long as it’s something you’ve shot specifically for this. Don’t worry about sending me huge files, I can deal. Keeping it under five minutes is always best. 12second it if you like, I’m easy. Phone video shouldn’t be a problem, either.

• Tomoko Sauvage and Gilles Aubry – “Apam Napat” by Musica Excentrica
  "Tomoko Sauvage improvises on waterbowls, a self-developed percussion instrument made of Chinese porcelain bowls filled with water, inspired by an instrument of carnatic music (South India), Jalatarangam."
  (tags:music )
• Volga – “At Ausland” by Musica Excentrica
  "connecting together Slavic ancient and national songs and actual electronic tunes"
  (tags:music )

• Hey. (And also: WHORES) ? http://blip.fm/~93hr #
• @moleitau funny, I was just wondering if tonight was the night for the first wine-mulling of the season. #
• God, I miss dexedrine. Nodding out over the keyboard at 7.30pm is the body’s revenge for a lifetime on stimulants. #
• @BRIANMBENDIS is apparently the real Brian Michael Bendis. Very important that you all ask to see his penis now. Makes him feel welcome. #

New skin for the autumn of doom, fire, sorrow and weeping.

(Shit, I think I gave away the end there.)

Thanks, Ariana.

Do you hear that?

That beat?

Of course you can. Everybody hears it. It’s the beat of the universe. It’s the sound our planet makes. You’re plugged in, whether you know it or not.

Question is: now that you know what the sound is, what are you going to do about it?

Paul Sizer’s been serialising his new music graphic novel BPM online while the physical book’s been printing in Malaysia. As I write, there’s something like 47 pages of the book up there for free reading.

Paul also mentions:

On a more local B.P.M. note (if you’re local to Kalamazoo, Michigan, that is), I will be having a kick-off author talk at the Kalamazoo Public Library on TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 30, from 6:30-8:30 PM. I’ll be there with a ton of technology in tow, we’re going to shoo out all the old folks, plug in the turntable, spin some noisy old vinyl and do a proper "audio/visual graphic novel reading", DJ style! If you’re within earshot, I’d love to have you attend. I’ll have the new book there for sale, and I’ll attempt to show my beatmixing skills (?) by demonstrating the common ground between Nitzer Ebb and Michael Jackson to a live library audience. Should be a raving old time!

From Wednesday in North America, from Thursday in other territories:

• The Blip/Twitter connection seemed to break over the weekend. This is a test: ? http://blip.fm/~8s55 #
• A South African couple having sex on a railway track have been killed by a goods train. I want to meet a woman who can drown out a train…! #
• (Have you learned nothing from 2000 years of patriarchal culture? Of COURSE it was the woman’s fault. She probably owed someone money too.) #

A look at some pages illustrated by the magnificent Adi Granov.  The steampunks and retroheads in the audience may also want to click through…

Very cheap until midnight tonight, and then just cheap. R Stevens’ Halloween collection includes several other shirts, and I swear to god Pixie Skull Socks, but this one seems the obvious one to show here:

On a tour of the pub set of the new ITV2 superhero-comedy series NO HEROICS, Rich Johnston spotted and photographed the following item on the pub’s wall:

"STRING!"

* Saturday night at Laurenn McCubbin’s house, apparently. Cowgirl, you been in Vegas too long.

* Jamais Cascio:

Futurism — or, as I prefer to articulate it, structured thinking about the future — is a means of putting both the problems we face today and the solutions we might try in a larger context.

* Eliza Gauger and Qais Fulton of Ectomo captured by Angel Ceballos:

* Ben Templesmith got his first tattoo: a Templar’s Cross. (Chances are he’s related to the Knights Templar. Presumably via someone who stole a loaf of bread, had their knob sliced off and got shipped to the Down Under Penal Colony With The Giant Leaping Rat Things. One of my annual haunts, funnily enough, is Cressing Temple, the first land granted to the Knights Templar in England.)

• Astronomers find universe’s dimmest known galaxy – space – 18 September 2008 – New Scientist Space
  The most dark matter-dominated galaxy in the universe, Segue 1…
  (tags:space )
• Invention: Muscle-fatigue blocker – tech – 19 September 2008 – New Scientist Tech
  "invention may make it possible for athletes, soldiers, or anyone else doing strenuous exercise, to stave off muscle fatigue for longer."
  (tags:med bodymod )

• Four Tet turns a Born Ruffians single into electropop chamber music with jet engine: http://tinyurl.com/3z8qo2 #
• I figure I can fit about 60 refugees from the USA in my back garden, come November. So… you want to form a line, or just bribe me? #