This serialised inteview with Patton Oswalt on aspecialthing.com is really quite astonishingly good. Very wide-ranging, and just fucking crucial reading for anyone intending to go into any form of writing.

Squirrels have bitten to death a stray dog which was barking at them in a Russian park, local media report. Passers-by were reportedly too late to stop the attack by the black squirrels in a village in the far east, which reportedly lasted about a minute. They are said to have scampered off at the sight of humans, some carrying pieces of flesh.

“They literally gutted the dog,” local journalist Anastasia Trubitsina told Komsomolskaya Pravda newspaper. “When they saw the men, they scattered in different directions, taking pieces of their kill away with them…”

Folk Hero

It’s a comic. Don’t look. I mean it. You cannot unsee this, and it will put lesions on your forebrain.

Oh, go on then.

(Found by some scabby bastard.)

“I ate the reindeer,” I told the children. “And Santa’s in Abu Ghraib with a hood over his head and a dog in his ass.”

After a while, I had to shout to make myself heard over the noise.

“What did you expect? Guy with a big beard breaks into your house at night to leave suspicious packages. Only a matter of time before he crashed that sleigh into an office block. Think about it. Man in a red suit who knows if you’ve been naughty or nice? He’s Satan. Santa, Satan. Anagram, see? And reindeer tastes good. I’ve saved you from Santa bin Laden, you little bastards.”

I leered at the squalling infants. “You know, I think there might have been a little glowing red nose on top of the pot of reindeer I had last night. We’ll have the rest of his terrorist cell at the North Pole in no time. Lots of people with beards and funny hats. You know what that means. And they’re all real short. Boys with false beards, I bet you. Terrorist paedophile cell.”

A man with a audio bud in his ear came up to where I was sitting.

“I think it’s time to leave now, Mr President,” he whispered.